I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:1-2 (NIV)
When Joshua was eighteen months old, we learned about his heart defect. I wanted to wrap him in bubble wrap and never let him leave the house. Fear was not new to me; I had battled it since childhood. But this fear was different. I was still new to motherhood. In the years that followed, I learned how to help my children face the things that frightened them—sitting beside them at the dentist, turning on the light and checking a dark room, steadying the bicycle as they climbed back on after a fall. But Joshua’s heart defect was a danger I could neither remove nor face for my child.
I could take precautions. I could listen to doctors. I could restrict activities. I could worry. But I could not build a fortress strong enough to guarantee that Joshua would be safe on this earth.
Years later, I still battle fear. I love my daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren dearly, and I still catch myself worrying about them—as though worrying could somehow keep them safe. It cannot. I know what it is to lose someone I love, and I know I am not immune to experiencing that kind of loss again. I wish I could tell you that knowing God is in control has made me fearless. It has not.
That fear still creeps in. When it does, I interrupt those thoughts and take them captive with a simple prayer: “Lord, they are Yours.” Sometimes all I manage is “Lord,” because He already knows my heart. I remind myself that He loves them deeply, that they are in His care, and that I am not the one in control. Then I stop rehearsing everything that could go wrong and return my attention to what is actually happening today. While I wish the fears would simply go away, until that happens, I will keep taking them to the One who has carried me through so much already.
David did not call God his rock, fortress, deliverer, refuge, shield, horn of salvation, and stronghold because he had nothing to fear. He spoke as someone who had known danger and discovered where to take his fear.
Trusting God does not guarantee the outcome we hope for. It means turning to the only One who is our true refuge when we cannot control what happens in this life.
The question I have to sit with is this: Where am I going when I am afraid?
Continue Reflecting in the Psalms
Psalm 18:1–2 is one of the passages included in Who Is This King of Glory?, the first journal in Sacred Questions from the Psalms series. If you would like to spend more time reflecting on who God is through Scripture writing and prayer, I invite you to explore the series and take a look inside.
Fear. I sit with this. Thank you.