Life Lessons from Grief – Criticism

A few short months after Joshua died, I was scheduled to speak at a weekend retreat. The organizers contacted me and asked if I still wanted to speak or if I would prefer they find someone else. I asked them to let me think about it.

To be honest, I didn’t just think about it. I labored over it. I didn’t know what to do. The retreat was coming up in about a month and it had barely been three months since Joshua’s death. I was still coming to terms with my mom’s terminal diagnosis. From October 15th to November 27th of that year, we had been in six different hospitals with three different family members. 

I also labored over the retreat organizers. Where would they find someone to fill in last minute? How would they have time to make all the changes that would have to be made? 

I didn’t know the right answer. I knew that I wanted to do the right thing, I just didn’t know what it was. To complicate matters, I started worrying over what people would think of me if I did go. How could I leave Michael and Elizabeth overnight? They were still hurting? Could I really be an effective teacher while carrying around all of my sorrow?

One night, knowing the decision had to be made, I asked Michael and Elizabeth to help me. After explaining the dilemma, I remember saying, “If I go, I am going to be criticized for leaving you both when you needed me to go do something for someone else. If I don’t go, I am going to be criticized for …” I didn’t even finish the sentence. That was a defining moment for me.

I knew that regardless of the decision I made, someone would criticize. In that moment I also realized that it was a decision that involved myself, my husband and my daughter. It was our decision to make, and whatever decision we made would be the right answer.

Regardless of what we choose, there will always be people around us who will say, “I would never have done that.” Let’s be honest, it’s impossible to know what we would do unless we were in the exact same situation. 

However, just for argument’s sake, let’s say they were right. They wouldn’t have made the same decision I made. That doesn’t make my choice the wrong choice. 

Once I processed all of that, it was an easy decision. We knew that Joshua would have said, “Mom, it’s an opportunity to teach people about Jesus. You have to go!” 

Wouldn’t it be great if as the body of Christ, instead of criticizing the choices of others, we were lifting them up to the Father and asking Him to help them make the right decision for their family. Even if it isn’t how I would do it, it may be exactly what God is leading them to do.

I went to the retreat and spoke. Since that day, I have made quite a few decisions that I’m sure others haven’t approved of for whatever reason. Sometimes those people come to me to offer “constructive criticism”. I have learned to smile as they share their thoughts with me and walk away letting them think whatever they choose to think. 

As long as I am seeking God’s will and serving Him, I am making the right decision. It doesn’t matter what others think.

Whatever decisions you are facing today, I pray that you can turn to God and make the best decision for your family without worrying about what the people around you think. There are enough burdens in this life without carrying that one around as well!