A few weeks ago, my husband was gone on a business trip. As soon as I started getting ready for school, Myka became so sad. She walked around the house with her head down. She laid down on the rug in the bathroom and just looked at me with the saddest eyes. She knew. She knew that I also had to leave, and that was all she could focus on.
What she didn’t know was that she was going to hang out with her friends at doggy daycare that day. And, I couldn’t tell her! Because as soon as I said the words, “Do you want to go bye-bye?” she would be so excited that I wouldn’t be able to finish getting ready. I had to wait until it was time to go before I could tell her.
So, she moped because it appeared that we would both be gone, and she would be home by herself. She didn’t know that something good was coming.
The dictionary defines the verb to mope as to give oneself up to brooding, to become listless or dejected. I see it as an entire body reaction to circumstances. My eyes are sad, my whole body feels tired, and I move slowly because I just don’t have any energy or enthusiasm about anything.
I wonder if God ever looks at us and wishes that we would quit moping because something good is on the horizon if we would just trust Him in the waiting. He just can’t tell us yet.
How amazing would it be if we could still be happy and productive in the waiting. If we could still find joy and ways to serve God even while hoping for a prayer to be answered.
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24
When we ‘take heart’ we are expecting a good outcome. We can be hopeful and encouraged. We can go through our day with confidence that God is handling things leaving us to be able to serve Him in the waiting.
God knows the desires of our hearts. He knows exactly what we need and provides it at exactly the right moment. All we have to do is trust and keep living in the waiting.
Waiting is not an easy thing for me. I am task oriented. When I set my mind on something, I want it done yesterday. Waiting means I don’t know which way something is going to go. I don’t yet know the plan of attack. I can’t even make a plan of attack.
I recently tried to read a very popular book with a similar topic. When I realized that the author had already received the desired outcome, I couldn’t read it anymore. Don’t get me wrong, we need these types of books. It’s just not where I am right now. Talking about God’s faithfulness is easy when the situation plays out in our favor. What about when we have no idea if it ever will? I think we need to talk about waiting more when we are in that season than after it is over, and we know how the story ends.
For the last two years, I have been applying for every available assistant principal’s position in my area. I long to have a leadership role in a school district!
There have been a handful of interviews here and there but, so far, no job offer. It’s competitive. There were about 150 applicants for just one of the positions I had hoped to be chosen for. I feel as though I am just as qualified as anyone else, so what is the hold-up?
I don’t know.
Here is what I do know – God knows. He knows what is best for me, best for my family, best for the local schools, best for the students and teachers in that building. He knows everything. I see things only through my lens.
Have you ever wanted something desperately and prayed diligently about it? Something you believed would be a huge blessing for your family. And, then, you didn’t get it.
I have been there.
Some time later, did you realize that it was a blessing God had not answered your prayer the way you hoped? Oh boy, I have. I remember some distinct moments when that realization dawned on me and all I could do was look to the Heavens and say, “thank you!” It is through those times I have learned to trust God’s plan.
How do I know that God isn’t saying, “No”? I guess to be fair, I don’t. Perhaps I will never be offered a leadership role. However, I believe there is a reason that God has placed this desire to lead in my heart.
So that means, He must be saying, “Wait.” How long will I have to wait? I have no idea. I have only been actively searching for two years now. Joseph was sold into slavery and was away from his family for 20 years. Daniel was a captive in Babylon. Paul had a thorn that God never removed. What did they do while they waited? They served God.
With every day that passes, it seems unlikely that this will be the year I move from the classroom into administration. I have two choices: 1) I can be bitter, miserable and complain about it; 2) I can serve God wherever He places me with joy.
How can I serve God with joy when He isn’t answering my prayer? Because He has protected me in the past from things that I really believed I wanted. After receiving God’s protection from things that were not what I thought they were, my prayer life began to change. I continue to pray for the things that I believe will be a blessing to my family, and I ask God for His will to be done instead of mine because He knows far more than I do.
With every online application, I have asked God for this to be the one. I have also asked Him to bless the school with the person who is the right fit for that position.
Is it hard? Of course it is. Especially when it seems as though God is answering everyone’s prayers around me. The truth is we don’t like to talk about unanswered prayers. With the number of applications I have submitted, I could feel rejected, humiliated, depressed. I could question my own value. I could quickly feel like a failure. Or, I can trust God to know exactly where I need to be.
Whether I walk into a classroom or into an office this coming school year, I am going to do it with complete confidence, knowing that God has placed me in that spot for a reason. Then, I am going to work with all my might to serve Him.
If you are also waiting, I hope you can do the same with complete confidence in yourself and in God.
With Eyes on the Cross 