One year for Christmas, my grandfather built me a beautiful two-story Barbie doll house. I would spend hours playing with it. I loved to make “books” for my Barbies. I wasn’t allowed to have scissors, so I would fold a sheet of paper over and over until it created a crease that I could gently tear. I would do this until the paper was small enough to fit into their hands. I created whole libraries for them; which led to the decision that someday I wanted to be a writer. I’ve always had a lot of words. I never could figure out what to write about.
Fast forward to adult life, my mom used to create a calendar to give to her church family at Christmas. Every year had a different theme. One year, she included everyone’s favorite recipes; another year it was each couple’s wedding picture. In 2013, she was diagnosed with cancer. I was staying with her after one of her surgeries, and she was trying to decide what theme she should use for the calendar. We both knew that it would probably be the last one she would get to do, and it was important to her. We brainstormed for a while, and then decided that we should pick a prayer theme for each month. We thought it would be nice to include pretty pictures and a poem or verse to go with each theme.
While she was sleeping, I was thinking about how beneficial it would be to include a scripture for each day of the month that went along with that theme. I started with the first month and found a scripture for each day. I wrote an article and sent the proposal to a Christian magazine. They accepted it and asked me to finish the calendar. I had finally found something to write about.
A few months later I was trying to finish up that calendar, and it had become very difficult. I didn’t want any verse to be repeated for the full year, and I was struggling to make that work. My son, Joshua, happened into the room where I was working and asked me what I was doing. I explained and told him how hard it was and that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all. He said, “Mom, that is a great idea! You have to finish it!” A few weeks later, he ran ahead to Heaven. I became obsessed with finishing that calendar. If for no other reason than because of what he had said to me.
I did five more calendars after that one, each with a different theme. During the midst of that, I was encouraged to write a book. I’m excited to share with you that that book releases today!
I wasn’t always excited. To be honest, for a while I listened to the lies that satan told me. “The only reason you are publishing a book is because your son died. If it hadn’t been your dream to write a book, he wouldn’t have died.” I have had some tough conversations with God about this dream of mine. While the dream of an eight-year-old little girl is coming true today, it felt like it came at a great price. The truth is, that just isn’t the way things happen. God didn’t cause my son to die. I didn’t have to trade one for the other. I’m not being punished by God; He has suffered with me every step of the way. This isn’t the world He created. This isn’t the plan He had for us.
However, I can and must choose how to live after such a devastating and tragic event. I choose to serve and honor God for His faithfulness, for all of the things that He has done to carry me through this deep and dark valley.
So, today my first book releases. (I say first because I still have a lot of words!) It is bittersweet. I am excited, and I am sad. I am sad that Joshua isn’t here to mark the event with me. I am excited for all of the love and support that I have received, not only while he was at children’s hospital, not only during his service, not only during the week after he died, but also during the almost eight years since. I didn’t choose this path; I get to choose what I do with it. I choose to put my eyes on the cross and keep moving towards an eternity with my Heavenly Father.
I pray that God is honored and glorified through this book. I pray that people will read it, will read our story and run towards God with arms wide open knowing that only He can save them.
This has not been an easy journey, and I don’t want one minute of it to be wasted. My son lived his race so well, and I want others to live theirs well! I hope you will join God’s team! He is one coach that will equip you with everything you need and will never let you down!
If you are interested in purchasing this book, click here.
With Eyes on the Cross 