About this time last year, a heavy rain stick fell off the window sill in my classroom and hit my foot. I expected it to bruise, but it didn’t. In fact, there wasn’t a mark at all, nor did it have any impact on my ability to walk. But occasionally, when I moved a certain way, it would twinge a bit and remind me.
Six years ago, my heart was hit hard and ripped to pieces. Slowly, very slowly, the pieces have healed a bit but not without leaving scars and a bruise – that can’t be seen. Most days, it doesn’t affect my daily activities. Other days, I hear a song, come across a photo or a particular date pops up on the calendar, and my heart feels the pain all over again.
Today is one of those days. It is a hard day. My heart is heavy. I am sad. Six years ago today, our son went out for a run. Instead of coming back to us, he ran home – straight through those Pearly Gates. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of him. I often wonder what he would be doing, where he would be living and if he might have already found the one whom his soul loves.
Just like today, it was a Tuesday. That makes it a little harder. The last couple of weeks I have relived everything that happened. Shopping for a suit for homecoming, mom’s surgery, the band trip to Atlanta, all of the text messages we exchanged while he was looking for the perfect gifts to bring home from his trip. We had no idea what was coming. We won’t get to make more memories or take more photos, so I hold on to the ones that I have.
Today, my heart feels that pain again. Today I will seek comfort from the One who provides a peace that passes understanding and I will cling to His promises.
The righteous cry, and the Lord hears And delivers them out of all their troubles. Psalm 34:17
He hears me when I cry out to Him.
You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book? Psalm 56:8
He has caught my tears in a bottle. Not a single one has been wasted or gone unnoticed.
The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8
He is with me every step of the way. I am never alone.
And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
My Heavenly Father, the One who created me, knows exactly what I need today. He knows even before I do, and He will provide.
Yes, today is hard. I’m sure the tears will sit a little closer to the eyes. I will try not to cry. It makes others uncomfortable, but the truth is, that is exactly what I want to do. I want to hide at home and cry. That isn’t possible, so I will do my best to limit the tears, reminding myself that this sorrow won’t last for eternity. Tomorrow will be a new day. And I will be one day closer to spending an eternity in Heaven with the One who created me, the One who saved me and the sweet boy that I miss so much.
What promise from God are you clinging to today?
With Eyes on the Cross 