Tag: Grief

Under Construction

It seems like the last several times that we have been on the interstate, we have hit an area of construction that has either really slowed us down or resulted in us taking an alternate route. It is so frustrating to be cruising along making great time (beating the ETA on the GPS) when all of a sudden traffic comes to a halt. There is nowhere to go and nothing that can be done except to settle in and inch along with all of the other cars dealing with the same frustration. So, we settle in, and I usually stew – over the inconvenience, the loss of time and the lack of control I have over the situation.

Recently, I have found myself thinking about how I am also under construction. Just like that road that needs a facelift, I often need to have some work done on my heart. Too often I let the world seep in and take root, causing me to worry and stress, again, over things that I can’t control. 

This construction on the heart takes time and patience; neither of which I ever feel like I have enough to spare. And, it never comes at a convenient time in life. It isn’t something that we can put on a calendar and plan around. It is something that happens and we have no choice but to settle in and inch along knowing that it could be a slow process. 

I have been under construction for several years now learning to handle grief in a healthy way. I feel like I have lost a lot of time that I needed to be doing other things. But too often, I just haven’t had the energy or the ability to take on other tasks.

Sometimes in life we face large construction projects; other times we are under construction for a shorter period of time. One promise that we can hold on to in scripture is this:

“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

A good work has begun in each of us and God will see to it that it is carried out. Sometimes that requires a little construction, something that is super inconvenient. However, I know that when they finish that construction on the interstate, it is going to be a nice road to travel, and I know that when I allow God to work on me, I am better for it and can do more to serve and honor Him. That is worth the inconvenience of time.

It’s No Secret

I treasure the time that I get to spend with other grieving parents. That sounds odd, right? I wouldn’t have chosen this path had there been an option. None of us would have. Yet here we are. So we travel it together. There is just something about spending time with someone who is on the same journey that brings healing and comfort. We can talk about anything. There are things we can talk about when we are together that we can’t talk about with those who have not lost a child. Sadly, one of the most important being our children. Doesn’t make much sense, does it?

Unfortunately, one of the more common discussions among grieving parents is, “What am I supposed to say when my family or my friends think I should be over this by now. They don’t like it when I talk about my child.” This is such a heart wrenching situation to face. We won’t get to see our sweet babies again this side of Heaven. We like to reminisce. We like to share their stories. We love to say their names. We love to hear their names. It’s like a balm that soothes a hurting heart.

I recently heard a profound description of someone who was grieving, “It’s no secret that she is grieving. It’s no secret that her hope is in the Lord.” What a beautiful thing to say! And, what a beautiful, healthy way to grieve. 

Grief is hard because it is uncomfortable. It can’t be fixed with words, casseroles, or a few days of rest. It is hard to helplessly stand by and watch someone cry. We don’t like to watch people hurt, especially when there is nothing that we can do to fix the root cause of the pain.

But what if we embraced the grieving without trying to fix them? What if we just sat with them in their sadness? When a grieving parent speaks their child’s name or repeats the same story about their child, they are not trying to make you feel awkward or uncomfortable. Trust me, they are in those situations enough that they don’t try to create them. They are simply trying to be a part of a conversation where they already feel out of place and lonely. What if we just listened?

Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. Job 2:13

Job’s friends were a gift to him. It wasn’t a secret that he was grieving, so they came and sat with him in his grief and didn’t say a word. They knew they couldn’t help him, and they didn’t want him to be alone. For seven days, they were the perfect friends. (I don’t want to talk about what happened next because that is not the purpose of this post.)

Not only should our grief not be a secret, we should use it to point others back to God. 

1 Thessalonians 4:13 tells us that we do not grieve like those without hope. We grieve. That’s no secret and neither should the hope that we have be kept quiet. We serve a faithful God who will never leave us or forsake us. We need to share who He is even when the waves of grief are unrelenting as they crash down on us. 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him. Nahum 1:7

God has been my refuge. He has brought me comfort and healing in so many different ways since Joshua ran ahead to Heaven. He is available anytime day or night no matter where I am. He is always there with me.

“I tell you,” He replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” Luke 19:40

If I don’t praise God, the rocks will. I don’t want it to be a secret how He has carried me through this. I want everyone to know that He fulfills His promises. He has never failed me, even during my darkest days when I have questioned Him.

Our son walked this earth for 16 very short years. He made a mark. I will grieve his absence even while I cling to God’s promise of our eternity together. I will talk about him a lot! I don’t want it to be a secret that I miss him, nor do I want it to be a secret that my hope is in the Lord.

The Truth Behind the Smile

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

We spent this past weekend at the While We’re Waiting Refuge in Hot Springs with several other parents whose children have run ahead to Heaven. I know it sounds like a depressing way to spend a summer weekend. It was the complete opposite.

We definitely shared a lot of tears, and we shared a tremendous amount of laughter. We talked about the absolute worst days of our lives with people who were total strangers on Friday, yet by Sunday, those same strangers had become close friends. 

One waiting momma refers to these weekends as “weekends out of time.” What a perfect phrase to explain what it feels like. The whole world is continuing in all its busyness while we pull away into a bubble of healing, hope and encouragement.

I learn so much every time we come together with other parents. I am always reminded of God’s goodness and faithfulness. A parent who has lost a child becomes so much more intentional about finding God as they face the pain. They are so much more intentional about seeking moments of joy. God is so good to provide exactly what we need, when we need it.

In fact, it is quite easy to mistake a smile on the face of a grieving parent as a sure sign that they have moved on, that they are doing so much better. It is anything but. If we could see inside them, we would see so many shattered pieces that we would most likely be terrified that nothing could ever put those pieces back together. 

That smile is a gift that God has given them – an opportunity to find some joy in the midst of the waves that are crashing against their very souls every single day. That smile often brings with it guilt. Guilt from a moment of joy that they feel they shouldn’t experience. 

If you see a grieving parent smile, you have just witnessed a beautiful gift that came with a heavy price. Pause and enjoy the moment with them. They aren’t “moving on” nor are they “getting back to normal.” It is with the strength and grace that comes only from our loving God that they are able to find those moments despite the weight and the brokenness that they are carrying.

God’s Protection

I have wrestled with the idea of “God’s protection” since Joshua ran ahead to Heaven. Not everyday. But sometimes I will hear something that causes me to reflect on it again. A few weeks ago, I heard a woman say, “I praise God for protecting my husband. He was in a horrific accident that should have killed him, but God protected him.” My first thought was, “Does that mean God didn’t protect my son, and if He didn’t protect Joshua does that mean that He is to blame for Joshua’s death.” Thoughts like these can spiral out of control very quickly if we don’t ground ourselves and take our thoughts captive with a solid foundation of truths. 

Hiding scripture in our heart is one of the best avenues for refuting the lies that often want to take up residence in our minds when we are hurting. It is natural for these ideas to pop into our heads especially when we are dealing with life’s difficulties. We have to be incredibly intentional about grabbing hold of them and getting rid of them so that those thoughts don’t become permanent residents.

Let’s take a look at what scripture tells us.  

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” James 1:2

Truth #1: God never promised us an easy life here on earth. In fact, scripture very clearly tells us that life will be full of difficulties. There are so many examples in the Bible of faithful ones who experienced great tragedies: Job lost everything, John the Baptist was beheaded, Stephen was stoned to death, Christ was crucified for my salvation. He faced suffering and torture that I will never understand in order to rescue me from an eternity in hell.

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:1-2

Truth #2: God is more concerned with our spiritual life than our earthly life. I recently heard someone say, “God wants me to be happy.” While I don’t believe that God enjoys watching us hurt on earth, I do believe that our eternal salvation is more important to God than our earthly comforts. Our life on this earth is but a vapor. Eternity is forever. 

“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’” Isaiah 55:8-9

Truth #3: God is God, and I am not. I will never understand why terrible things happen; things like diseases, famine, poverty, abuse, neglect, death. And, even if I did understand, it would not lessen the sorrow that I feel. Jesus understands all things and knows all things, and He still wept at the news of Lazarus’ death. 

Am I grateful that the sweet woman’s husband was protected? Absolutely! Do I wish that my story had a different outcome? Absolutely! Both of those things are true. Do I understand why some people have to face horrible illnesses and others don’t, why some struggle with addictions and others don’t, why some fight to feed their families every single day and others don’t. I have no idea. 

What I do know is that I choose to trust God because I believe what His word tells me.

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

Despite what happens to me on this earth, I have the promise of His eternal protection in Heaven. 

God Really Is Eternally Faithful

Seven years ago today, Joshua went out for a run. Something he had done hundreds of times. Only this time, he didn’t come back home to us. Despite the best efforts of two ICU nurses, firefighters, paramedics, and speciality doctors at Children’s Hospital, three days later, we said, “See you later,” and sent him to Heaven.

I have learned so many lessons in the last seven years, with the greatest one being that grief stands for God Really Is Eternally Faithful. I wish that I could tell you that I came up with that. I didn’t. I was desperately trying to turn the word grief into an acronym. I needed to associate it with something more comforting, something that I could cling to. I was texting a friend, sharing my thoughts with her, but nothing fit, when she replied with the above message. It is a simple phrase with so much truth.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

Not only does scripture tell us that God is faithful, we have so many examples of His faithfulness, yet we often don’t fully understand the extent of that faithfulness until we experience it for ourselves. I have experienced it over and over the last seven years. God has been so faithful to us as we have walked a painful journey. 

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

In the beginning, the weight of grief is all-consuming. It took every ounce of energy to simply get out of bed and get dressed. God was faithful during those times. Some days He provided through friends and family, some days He provided with an extra measure of strength. I have learned that even though I will always carry the weight of grief, it has become a much lighter burden. 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

For the last seven years, God has walked every step with us. He has caught every tear we have shed. He has felt every stabbing pain of sadness. And, while grief can be very lonely, I have learned that I am never alone. God is always with me. 

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:20

Since Joshua moved away to Heaven, I am more focused on eternity. I have a treasure stored up in Heaven, and one day we will be reunited. I sing “This world is not my home, I am just passing through,” with a completely different mindset. 

In the early days of my grief, I couldn’t see any possible way that God could bring anything good out of our tragedy. I didn’t see any possible way that He could heal the ache in my heart. He did both. If you are struggling to see how God is working in your life, ask Him to open your eyes to His goodness so you can see all that He is doing. And ask Him to open your heart to trust Him to take care of you.

There are so many other things that I have learned about grief. There is no timeline for it. We each grieve differently and for different periods of time. Grief has changed me. I am not the same woman that I was when I woke up the morning of October 29, 2013. I know that I will think about Joshua every single day. I know that I will miss him every single day until I see him again. I know that I could live another 30 or 40 years and face more loss and heartache. I also know that God Really Is Eternally Faithful, and regardless of what happens on this earth, He will be with me each step of the way. 

Walking the Same Path

I remember the very first “While We’re Waiting Mom’s Day” that I attended after Joshua died. I pulled into the driveway, parked my car and sat there for a minute trying to decide if I would stay or just pull away. What had possessed me to sign up to go and spend a day with eight women I had never met?

They knew my pain. We share the experience of losing a child. They were walking the same path that I was walking and some of them were further along than I was. Surely I could learn something.

The sweet woman who opened the door, greeted me and when I told her my name, she hugged me tight and said, “I prayed hard for you when your sweet Joshua died.” She had heard of him. Her kids were in school with him. She spoke his name. Just a month after our loss, her precious little girl joined him in Heaven, and she too became a grieving mom. 

In just a couple of hours, six women will arrive at my home for their first Mom’s Day. My heart aches for them this morning. It aches for the pain they are facing and for the inner turmoil some of them will fight before they arrive.

One of the first things that we will talk about is the great courage it takes to drive yourself to someone’s home you have never met, to spend the day with women you do not know, and to talk about the worst thing that has ever happened to you. I am so grateful to the founders of While We’re Waiting for recognizing this and for making it a part of the introduction to today’s retreat.

They know, because they are also walking this path. 

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

They exemplify this scripture each and every time they open their hearts to grieving parents. It isn’t by accident that God’s word tells us to “bear one another’s burdens.”

What a blessing this group has been to my husband and me. It sounds crazy, but we jump on every chance we can to spend time with other parents. They get us. They know things that would be impossible for those who have not lost a child to know. (Things I wish no other parent on this planet would ever have to know.)

When we first started spending time with other parents, we found hope. They were like normal people. (I didn’t feel normal at all.) They laughed. They joked about sports teams. But, more importantly, we had deep conversations about our pain and child loss. There wasn’t a topic they wouldn’t discuss or question they wouldn’t answer. They talked about the goodness of God during their toughest days. They talked about His faithfulness in their lives. They talked about how God is good in the midst of the most excruciating pain.

They reminded me of the promise of eternity and helped me find joy while I wait to be reunited with those I love in Heaven.

God knew the value in His children coming together, to walk arm in arm, as they faced storms here on Earth. He knew that we could offer one another hope, encouragement, kindness and compassion, especially if it was a storm we had already been through.

I pray that whatever burden you are carrying, you can find someone who has already carried it and will walk with you. 

I pray that whatever burden you have already carried, you will ask God to lead you to those who need help carrying that burden now. You don’t have to have all of the answers. Just a heart to show others the goodness of God in the midst of your pain. You will never know the hope that you will bring.

Today is Hard

About this time last year, a heavy rain stick fell off the window sill in my classroom and hit my foot. I expected it to bruise, but it didn’t. In fact, there wasn’t a mark at all, nor did it have any impact on my ability to walk. But occasionally, when I moved a certain way, it would twinge a bit and remind me. 

Six years ago, my heart was hit hard and ripped to pieces. Slowly, very slowly, the pieces have healed a bit but not without leaving scars and a bruise – that can’t be seen. Most days, it doesn’t affect my daily activities. Other days, I hear a song, come across a photo or a particular date pops up on the calendar, and my heart feels the pain all over again. 

Today is one of those days. It is a hard day. My heart is heavy. I am sad. Six years ago today, our son went out for a run. Instead of coming back to us, he ran home – straight through those Pearly Gates. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of him. I often wonder what he would be doing, where he would be living and if he might have already found the one whom his soul loves.

Just like today, it was a Tuesday. That makes it a little harder. The last couple of weeks I have relived everything that happened. Shopping for a suit for homecoming, mom’s surgery, the band trip to Atlanta, all of the text messages we exchanged while he was looking for the perfect gifts to bring home from his trip. We had no idea what was coming. We won’t get to make more memories or take more photos, so I hold on to the ones that I have.

Today, my heart feels that pain again. Today I will seek comfort from the One who provides a peace that passes understanding and I will cling to His promises.

The righteous cry, and the Lord hears And delivers them out of all their troubles. Psalm 34:17

He hears me when I cry out to Him. 

You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book? Psalm 56:8

He has caught my tears in a bottle. Not a single one has been wasted or gone unnoticed.

The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8

He is with me every step of the way. I am never alone. 

And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

My Heavenly Father, the One who created me, knows exactly what I need today. He knows even before I do, and He will provide. 

Yes, today is hard. I’m sure the tears will sit a little closer to the eyes. I will try not to cry. It makes others uncomfortable, but the truth is, that is exactly what I want to do. I want to hide at home and cry. That isn’t possible, so I will do my best to limit the tears, reminding myself that this sorrow won’t last for eternity. Tomorrow will be a new day. And I will be one day closer to spending an eternity in Heaven with the One who created me, the One who saved me and the sweet boy that I miss so much. 

What promise from God are you clinging to today?

Life Lessons from Grief – Living with Fear

I have been fearful all my life. Growing up I was afraid of everything. I always wanted to be more like my mom. She was afraid of absolutely nothing.

I remember sitting in the gym in middle school during a presentation and having this overwhelming paralyzing fear. I wasn’t in any danger. No one had said anything to me that would cause such fear. Yet there I sat, absolutely terrified. Over the years, there were other instances when similar things happened. To this day, I have no idea what caused them. 

Sometimes I wonder if there is a support group for it. “Hi, my name is Michelle, and I live with fear.”

When our son was first diagnosed with a heart defect at about 18 months old, I lived in a constant state of fear. The heart issue was an accidental find. He looked completely healthy on the outside. He had never had a symptom. As he grew, still no symptoms; yet we got regular confirmation from doctors that his heart had not formed correctly. 

As they continued to monitor his heart, I continued to fear what might happen. My absolute worst fear did happen. He went out for a run one night and instead of returning home, he ran straight through the Pearly Gates.

My fear did not change the outcome. It did affect my ability to enjoy the present. 

For a few months after his death, my mind played the “what if” game. What if we had told him that he couldn’t go for a run. What if we had all gone to the gym together that night as a family. 

A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed. Job 14:5 (NIV)

We can play the “what if” game all day long; it doesn’t change anything. It didn’t matter where we were that night or what we were doing, Joshua was moving to Heaven. If he had stayed home, he still would have collapsed. If we had gone to the gym, he still would have collapsed. 

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16 (NIV)

The reality is, we are either going to die or Christ is going to return and take us home. We do not know when that is going to happen. Living in fear doesn’t change the outcome. 

I am learning to live with fear instead of in it. I am still afraid of things, lots of things. I can’t change the future by being afraid of it. I am learning ways to control my fear instead of allowing it to paralyze me or keep me from truly living the life God intended for me to live.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

Finding this scripture was a life-changer for me. If fear does not come from God, then it must come from satan. I absolutely will not allow him to steal my joy.

If I allow fear to make my decisions that is what I am doing. And, I am going to miss out on some amazing things in life. I continue to be afraid of things, the difference is that now, I choose to not allow it control me. 

Don’t give satan that foothold. Tell God about the things that you are afraid of and ask for His help. He will provide you with the right scripture, the right people, the right ideas to help you overcome whatever is causing you fear so that you can serve Him with fearless abandon!

Life Lessons from Grief – No more “buts”

For months after Joshua died, I could only feel the deepest sorrow I had ever felt. I tried to smile when others were happy or shared good news. I didn’t feel it on the inside. It was all fake, a facade, like the commercial where the people carry around the happy face on the popsicle stick.

I still remember the first time I laughed. Someone said something funny. I don’t remember what it was, I just remember laughing and then feeling the most intense guilt. I shouldn’t be happy. I shouldn’t laugh.

As time passed, I found myself beginning to smile again, genuinely this time. And then, slowly, it seemed okay to laugh a little. It was still hard, I still felt some guilt. Until one day, I realized that Joshua isn’t sad. I don’t really want to go into the theology of whether he is in Heaven, Paradise, or asleep waiting for Christ to return. My momma heart needs to believe that he is sitting at the feet of Jesus, in awe of the glory that awaits the rest of us when our time on this earth ends. What joy he must be experiencing!

The day that hit me is the day that I realized I want to be happy too. I may have a long life left on this earth, and I don’t want to spend it miserable and bitter. Joshua isn’t sad, why should I be? He isn’t mourning. He already knows what’s coming. He is experiencing an eternal reward for a life well-lived.

That’s when the internal struggle began. One of the challenges that grief brought was learning to deal with opposing emotions at the same time. I had never felt sadness and happiness together, simultaneously. It was like I was wrestling with myself. 

Once I was able to acknowledge both emotions and could name them, I could separate them and allow both of them to exist at the same time without the inner conflict. Then, came the next challenge.

The “but.”

I caught myself saying that I felt happy but sad. Saying “but” after expressing the first emotion was like erasing that part of the sentence. It  implied that I didn’t really mean what I had just said. And that wasn’t true, I could literally feel both emotions playing tug-of-war with my insides. 

Let me give you an example. Our daughter just got married. People would often ask us how we were doing; how we were feeling. I couldn’t say that I was happy, but I was also sad. It felt wrong. Like I was erasing the happiness. I really did feel happy. Happy that she had found the one whom her soul loves. Happy that she was happy. Happy to hear the joy in her voice and see her smile reach all the way to her eyes again. 

And I was sad. Sad that her biggest cheerleader, her best friend wouldn’t be here to celebrate with us. Sad that our new son-in-love wouldn’t get to know him. Sad for what the future was supposed to hold. I deeply felt both emotions. 

Pictures could cause a similar reaction. I could look at a picture and remember a happy time that would immediately make me smile. Then, it would hit me that there would be no more memories made, and I would cry. Emotions are overwhelming.

For me, it’s important that I feel the joy with the sorrow. That sorrow is the price we pay for the deep love that we feel for someone. I never want to forget that sweet boy of ours! The joy is a reminder of the hope that we have of spending eternity together. 

Grief is complicated. My prayer for you today is that you will find some joy in the midst of your sadness and not feel guilty!

Life Lessons from Grief – Criticism

A few short months after Joshua died, I was scheduled to speak at a weekend retreat. The organizers contacted me and asked if I still wanted to speak or if I would prefer they find someone else. I asked them to let me think about it.

To be honest, I didn’t just think about it. I labored over it. I didn’t know what to do. The retreat was coming up in about a month and it had barely been three months since Joshua’s death. I was still coming to terms with my mom’s terminal diagnosis. From October 15th to November 27th of that year, we had been in six different hospitals with three different family members. 

I also labored over the retreat organizers. Where would they find someone to fill in last minute? How would they have time to make all the changes that would have to be made? 

I didn’t know the right answer. I knew that I wanted to do the right thing, I just didn’t know what it was. To complicate matters, I started worrying over what people would think of me if I did go. How could I leave Michael and Elizabeth overnight? They were still hurting? Could I really be an effective teacher while carrying around all of my sorrow?

One night, knowing the decision had to be made, I asked Michael and Elizabeth to help me. After explaining the dilemma, I remember saying, “If I go, I am going to be criticized for leaving you both when you needed me to go do something for someone else. If I don’t go, I am going to be criticized for …” I didn’t even finish the sentence. That was a defining moment for me.

I knew that regardless of the decision I made, someone would criticize. In that moment I also realized that it was a decision that involved myself, my husband and my daughter. It was our decision to make, and whatever decision we made would be the right answer.

Regardless of what we choose, there will always be people around us who will say, “I would never have done that.” Let’s be honest, it’s impossible to know what we would do unless we were in the exact same situation. 

However, just for argument’s sake, let’s say they were right. They wouldn’t have made the same decision I made. That doesn’t make my choice the wrong choice. 

Once I processed all of that, it was an easy decision. We knew that Joshua would have said, “Mom, it’s an opportunity to teach people about Jesus. You have to go!” 

Wouldn’t it be great if as the body of Christ, instead of criticizing the choices of others, we were lifting them up to the Father and asking Him to help them make the right decision for their family. Even if it isn’t how I would do it, it may be exactly what God is leading them to do.

I went to the retreat and spoke. Since that day, I have made quite a few decisions that I’m sure others haven’t approved of for whatever reason. Sometimes those people come to me to offer “constructive criticism”. I have learned to smile as they share their thoughts with me and walk away letting them think whatever they choose to think. 

As long as I am seeking God’s will and serving Him, I am making the right decision. It doesn’t matter what others think.

Whatever decisions you are facing today, I pray that you can turn to God and make the best decision for your family without worrying about what the people around you think. There are enough burdens in this life without carrying that one around as well!