Grief – With Eyes on the Cross

Celebrating Birthdays Without Him

Today is his earthly birthday. He would have been 25 years old, a quarter of a century. A pivotal age when family and careers are beginning. I can’t help but wonder where he would be in life. Married? College graduate? Children? Preaching? Those are questions that will never be answered. Just musings that I will have as long as I continue to walk this earth. The wonderings of what might have been.

My daughter and I were chatting on the phone a few days ago. She confessed that she just didn’t have any motivation and could feel herself falling into a funk. She said she couldn’t figure out why. There wasn’t anything going on that was bothering her. I suggested she look at the calendar. It hit her immediately. Brother’s birthday is coming. We both have been feeling it. Even when we don’t acknowledge grief, the body does. The body doesn’t forget or even need the calendar. It just knows.

It isn’t just today that is hard. The days leading up are also hard. I struggle with motivation. I tend to sleep more. I’m just sad. We have heard so many bereaved parents share that the people around them want them to be better, to be over their child’s death. There is a significant reason why that is just not possible.

Grief is love with no place to go.

The absolute best description of grief I have heard. Grieving parents can’t get over it. They can’t be like they used to be. They will forever have all of this love for a child that isn’t here for them to love.

It’s also no wonder that the days leading up are hard. Those are the days that we should have been planning and shopping and baking his favorites. But he isn’t here. So, we can’t shower him with all of the love that we feel. That’s why we are sad. That’s why we can’t get motivated. We can’t do what we long to do and celebrate him today.

So, what do we do on his birthday? We mope for a while. That is literally our plan for the morning. We just hang out at home in our pajamas. We wrap the sadness around us like a blanket and just sit in our sorrow for a bit. Around lunch time, one of us will get the motivation to get up and get dressed, and will encourage the other one to do the same. Then, we drive to a local bakery and pay for random birthday cakes. We can’t buy him a birthday cake, but maybe buying one for someone else will help ease the sadness. It does. We feel a little less burdened. And then, we go have a steak and a Dr. Pepper. It’s what he would have requested.

Today, in honor of his birthday, Michael, Elizabeth, and I want to share 25 things that we love about Joshua!

His infectious smile that would change the mood of a room.
His white hair.
His love for Jesus.
His compassion for anyone in need.
His pranks.
His corny pick up lines.
The way he loved his sister and wasn’t embarrassed for anyone to know.
His gift for encouraging others.
His respect for our military.
His love for our family.
His selflessness.
He accepted his heart condition and continued to live life happily.
His love for everyone regardless of age or socioeconomic status.
His ability to overcome disappointment.
His HUGS!
His ability to be receptive during tough conversations.
The way he rejoiced and celebrated the successes of others.
His photo bombs.
His first instinct to pray anytime there was a need.
His love for the game and not just for winning.
His larger than life laugh.
His generosity to total strangers.
His eagerness to forgive.
His willingness to admit mistakes and say I’m sorry.
The way his head always bobbed when he was playing the marimba.

There are so many more reasons that we loved him. He left a huge void in our lives when he left this earth. We are forever changed for having known him. We are forever changed because he isn’t here to share life with us.

Grief is a difficult road. We know what the future holds and can simultaneously cling to that while still being sad. We grieve because we loved. We know that one day we will be called home too. One day we will be reunited with those we love for all of eternity. It’s not a hope. It’s a promise from God.

Glimmers of Hope

In his book, Through the Eyes of a Lion, Levi Lusko calls grief an endurance sport. Nothing could be more accurate. I have run many sprints during my earthly life – the challenges of finishing school and graduating, the hunt for a job, the break-ups, financial struggles, illnesses, recovery from a surgery. Unlike all of those events that had a start and end time, grief is different. It has a start time. There is a dot on a timeline where my life changed in an instant. But it doesn’t have an end time. At least not here.

There will not come a day this side of Heaven, that I will round that last turn to give it one more big push, cross the finish line, wipe the sweat from my forehead and boldly proclaim that I have overcome my grief. It isn’t something that is overcome, it is something that is endured. As long as I live, I will miss Joshua. I will miss him during the big moments in life and in small random moments. Not because I am wallowing in self-pity, but because he was supposed to be here. My future included him. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Now that we are all sufficiently depressed, is there anything that I can do about it? Yes!

They say that knowledge is power. I have the knowledge that I am going to grieve losing him for the rest of my life, so I also have the power to make choices as to what I do with this grief.

I could stay home whine, be bitter, and sad the rest of my life. Trust me, there are days that option is so incredibly tempting.

Or, I could share our story. Not for sympathy or pity. Not to compete with others to see whose story is worse. Instead, I could share our story so that others see Jesus because Jesus is where we find out hope! Everyone has a story and everyone’s story is filled with agony and broken spirits. They are also filled with God’s goodness and blessings. They are filled with His mighty power. They are filled with His promises.

Our stories bring glimmers of hope. And there is nothing more powerful than the tiniest glimmer of hope. Hope can give our heart the desire to keep pressing forward. It can give our bodies a bit more energy to do the next thing. It can lift our spirits enough to see that the sun is still rising every morning and God still sits on the throne of Heaven.

Your story may not be grief. It may be chronic illness, abuse, mental health. Whatever adversity you have overcome, when you tell your story someone hears about Jesus. And that is where they find their own hope. That hope gives them the strength to persevere.

I pray you find opportunities to share your story today so that others may see Jesus and find the tiniest glimmer of hope to cling to.

To Whom Shall I Go?

Have you ever come across a scripture that you know you have read a million times, and this time it’s different, it hits you, hard, and you realize that you get it?

The sixth chapter of John starts by telling us about all of the people who were following Jesus because of the miracles that He was performing. They were watching Him as He went about healing the sick. As the crowd is gathering, Jesus shows compassion for their physical needs and feeds them. He fed all five thousand of them with five small loaves of bread and two small fish. Not only did everyone get their fill, there were twelve baskets of leftovers. That very evening, Jesus walks on water.

The next day the crowd follows Him all the way to Capernaum. They want to know how to do the work that God requires. They want a sign, like the manna from Heaven that was given to their forefathers. Jesus tries to explain to them that He is the bread of life. They are so focused on the physical, they completely miss the point. Jesus is offering them something eternal, something so much better than manna.

Do you know what many of the disciples said, “This statement is very unpleasant; who can listen to it?” (John 6:60) And then, they left. They walked away. They walked away from Jesus the day after He miraculously fed them all because they thought that what He was teaching was too hard.

Jesus turned to the twelve and asked “You do not want to leave too, do you?” (v. 67). Simon Peter responds, “Lord, to whom shall we go?”

Can you see the puzzled look on Simon Peter’s face as he turns to Jesus to answer this question? Can you feel the burden in his heart?

I had never understood Peter before. My head got it. Now, my heart feels it, in every tiny crevice. I feel what he is saying. To whom shall I go?

During those long months when I wrestled with God over the death of our son. When I poured out my heart begging to understand why this had to be the plan, it didn’t occur to me to walk away from God. Where would I go? There is no one else who understands the way that God understands. There is no one else who can comfort the way God can comfort.

I wrestled with God. The very scripture that God gave us to bring us comfort, I spewed back at Him as I told Him that it wasn’t comforting. I showed Him the flaw in His plan. I freely shared with Him all of the things that He could have done differently to change the outcome. My heart was shattered.

Do you know what God did? He listened. He held me in my pain. He brought me comfort in ways that I could have never imagined – through songs, through family and friends, through memories, through others who were walking the same journey. He waited patiently while I grieved. Do you know what He didn’t do? He never walked away from me. He never left me to grieve alone.

If God isn’t going to walk away from me during my darkest times, how could I walk away from Him? I will probably never understand this side of Heaven why Joshua died so young. What I do know is that in all things, in all seasons of life, God is faithful. I know that one day, my time on this earth will also come to an end. On that day, my faith shall be my sight. On that day, I will join my Savior in Heaven and be reunited with my son where we will spend all of eternity together without any tears, without any sorrow. What a glorious day that will be!

Drafting – It’s Not Just for Nascar

Have you heard of drafting? If you are a Nascar fan, you probably know exactly what I am talking about. A driver will tuck in behind another driver, following along so close to their bumper, and race for miles. The complicated explanation of how this works uses words like “aerodynamics, negative lift, pressure differential, downforce, and friction drag.” I do not have the technical knowledge to explain any of that. So, allow me to water it down significantly so that I can understand it.

The less complicated explanation is that it allows drivers to drive faster with better fuel efficiency. They tuck in behind a car so that the one in front takes all of the wind resistance leaving the driver in the back the opportunity to skate along. He saves energy and fuel. Later during the race, the driver in the back can pull out from behind the other driver theoretically with plenty of energy to hopefully win the race.

I never gave much thought to drafting until I started running. Runners will also do it. It’s the same concept: one runner will tuck in behind another to lessen the wind resistance thus saving energy until closer to the end of the race when the back runner can step out with a reserve and pull ahead.

After I started running, I began to recognize the many correlations between running and Christianity. I believe this idea of drafting is an important concept in our earthly races.

A little more than eight years ago, my husband and I experienced the single most devastating event in our lives, our 16-year-old son died. We didn’t know what to do. We walked around in a fog for the first six months. It was like the world was spinning out of control, and we could not get our feet on solid ground. Every task took an enormous amount of energy; much more than ever before. The simplest decisions took concentrated effort. We were floundering.

One day we learned about a group called While We’re Waiting. It is a faith-based group specifically for parents whose children have run ahead to Heaven. You are wondering, what this has to do with drafting. I promise, I am getting there.

This group was created by other parents who had also experienced the loss of a child. By people who knew exactly what we were going through. Do you see where I am going?

We attended a parent retreat where we spent an entire weekend with 11 other couples who were on the same journey we were on – trying to learn to live without a huge piece of our hearts. That weekend we talked about the worst day of our lives. We laughed, we cried, we ate a lot, and we talked about the depth of love a Heavenly Father has for His children. We glazed over the pleasantries and went straight to the hardcore realities of this earthly life. It was the most uplifting, encouraging retreat we had ever attended.

Do you see what we did? We drafted. We tucked in behind other parents, many of whom were further along on the journey than we were. We listened, we learned, we clung to them for strength and encouragement. They did not deny us any of it. They poured into us in ways that we didn’t even realize we needed. For the next couple of years, we continued to draft. We attended other events including a support group, a marriage retreat, a mom’s day and a dad’s day. We listened, we learned, we clung to them. We spent time together with others who knew the difficulties.

Then, we began to feel stronger. It wasn’t a day that we could mark on a calendar. It was just a time when someone else needed encouragement, and we were able to provide some. Someone else needed strength, and we had a little to give. As more opportunities arose, we found that we were beginning to pull out from behind the other couples to encourage other parents.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:3

Drafting allows us to carry one another, to comfort one another, and to provide strength for those who are hurting. Whether someone needs help fighting against temptation or surviving through difficult circumstances, we are called to carry the burdens of others. Why? Because God knows how much stronger we are together than we are individually.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” I Thessalonians 5:11

Drafting allows us to encourage one another. Do you really understand the amount of hope that you provide? Remember that parent retreat we attended? We met a couple there whose son had passed away nearly twenty years prior. When they laughed, I found hope. When they expressed joy, I found hope. When they talked to me, I found hope. They were on the same path I was on, and they weren’t just surviving, they were living well. I wanted that too! I spent that weekend watching and learning from them. I tucked in behind them.

The great thing about Christianity is that we are all in this together. We are all on the journey towards Heaven, and we are all supposed to do life together, to help one another and to encourage one another. Regardless of what you are struggling with, you can find someone to draft behind. I guarantee it! You can find someone to give you the strength and encouragement you need while you rest a bit from the fighting. Then, one day, you will feel strengthened enough to come out and join in the journey alongside them.

Grace for the Holidays

There are so many posts being shared right now about how to survive the holidays. They are all full of great tips, strategies, and ideas. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a one size fits all when it comes to walking through those tough days. So regardless of which idea you choose, allow yourself and those around you some grace.

The first few years after Joshua died, our daughter was still home. For us, it was simple. Each year, we asked her where she wanted to wake up and how she wanted to celebrate. It helped us face the holidays a little easier knowing that she was where she was most comfortable.

When she moved out and got married, we had to figure out some new strategies. It is tough. The holidays are so much more challenging when someone is missing from the table. We typically had at least a plan A, B, and C. And more often than not, when we woke up the morning of, we went with a totally different plan. We could only do what we felt like we could handle. One of the best things that we did for one another is bring buckets and buckets of grace into the holiday season. Not just for each other, but also for ourselves.

The year that none of us felt like decorating, we didn’t. Grace. When we didn’t want to face the shopping crowds, we didn’t give as many gifts and most were ordered online. Grace. When we didn’t have the strength to take a family photo of just the three of us for Christmas cards, we didn’t. Grace. We accepted fewer invitations to holiday events. Grace. And, when one of us got peopled out, we made a quiet exit. Grace.

It became the gift that we gave each other. A much appreciated gift that was both given and received freely.

It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the season. It is natural to want to continue the same traditions. It is also absolutely okay to change things if it makes getting through the holidays easier. After eight Christmases without Joshua, there are some traditions that we have returned to. There are others that will probably only remain in our memories. And, that’s okay too. Why, because grace.

“The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.” Revelation 22:21

The very last verse in God’s Holy Word. We have been extended a tremendous amount of grace. May we always offer that same grace to those around us, and maybe even a little more when what is supposed to be a joyful season is tinged with sadness and loss.

Eight Years and Learning

Joshua ran about this earth for 16 years. I say ran because “walked” sounds slow and without intent. He seemed to be everywhere all at the same time grinning that big ole grin of his and exuding love. He ran ahead to Heaven eight years ago today. It is so hard and God is so incredibly good.

At almost every gathering of bereaved parents the conversation turns to comments people make like “It’s been 6 months or it’s been 3 years, when are you going to get over this? When are you going to be back to your old self?” We have been so blessed to not hear those words until recently, when I began to say them to myself. Here we are eight years out, and I am wondering why this day is still challenging. Shouldn’t I be able to face it without all the emotions? Shouldn’t I be “over it” by now?

Even after eight years, I’m still learning about grief. The way it hits at the most inopportune times. The way it doesn’t care about my schedule. The way it blindsides me when I least expect it. The way it always comes around at certain times of the year. One of the things that I have learned is that we grieve deeply because we love deeply. Our lives forever changed the day that Joshua ran ahead to Heaven.

I’m also still learning about the faithfulness of God. Eight years, and He is still providing. Sometimes He provides a little extra time for me to hang out in a blanket of sadness when I need it. Sometimes, He provides a friend who digs a little deeper when I say I am fine. Sometimes, He provides the distractions that I need to keep my mind busy (like terrifying rollercoasters in the dark). Sometimes, He provides little coincidences that aren’t coincidences at all. Are you seeing the pattern? He always provides something, and it is always exactly what I need.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

There are certain days that will always be challenging. A friend reminded me recently that we celebrate the important days that impact us like birthdays and anniversaries – the days that mark significant changes in our lives. It only makes sense that we would also remember difficult days that have had an impact on us. So, the answer is no, I will never “get over” Joshua’s death. I will also probably never be the same person that I was the day before he collapsed. And that is okay.

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently, Romans 8:25

Our earthly lives must continue while we wait to be reunited in Heaven with those we love. Not only must they continue, we must find the purpose and the joy in them, while we wait to be reunited. There are seasons that we embrace with excitement. We are about to enter the wondrous adventure of being grandparents. We are both elated and sad. There will always be an Uncle Joshua sized void this side of Heaven. (He would have been such a cool uncle). That’s why grieving parents never “get back to normal” and never stop grieving. There are always new chapters of life that make them wonder how things might have been different.

That’s also why we continue to cling to God. He is continually mending our broken hearts. He is continually sheltering us in His wings. He is continually fighting with us and providing what we need. And while we can’t control what happens on this earth, we can control where we go for eternity. God will redeem every shed tear. He will redeem every missed moment. He will redeem every bit of sadness and heartache for all eternity. His mercies are new every morning!

Eight years out and still learning so much. Most importantly, I’m learning how good and how faithful God is all the time.

A Dream Comes True And It’s Oh So Bittersweet

One year for Christmas, my grandfather built me a beautiful two-story Barbie doll house. I would spend hours playing with it. I loved to make “books” for my Barbies. I wasn’t allowed to have scissors, so I would fold a sheet of paper over and over until it created a crease that I could gently tear. I would do this until the paper was small enough to fit into their hands. I created whole libraries for them; which led to the decision that someday I wanted to be a writer. I’ve always had a lot of words. I never could figure out what to write about.

Fast forward to adult life, my mom used to create a calendar to give to her church family at Christmas. Every year had a different theme. One year, she included everyone’s favorite recipes; another year it was each couple’s wedding picture. In 2013, she was diagnosed with cancer. I was staying with her after one of her surgeries, and she was trying to decide what theme she should use for the calendar. We both knew that it would probably be the last one she would get to do, and it was important to her. We brainstormed for a while, and then decided that we should pick a prayer theme for each month. We thought it would be nice to include pretty pictures and a poem or verse to go with each theme.

While she was sleeping, I was thinking about how beneficial it would be to include a scripture for each day of the month that went along with that theme. I started with the first month and found a scripture for each day. I wrote an article and sent the proposal to a Christian magazine. They accepted it and asked me to finish the calendar. I had finally found something to write about.

A few months later I was trying to finish up that calendar, and it had become very difficult. I didn’t want any verse to be repeated for the full year, and I was struggling to make that work. My son, Joshua, happened into the room where I was working and asked me what I was doing. I explained and told him how hard it was and that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all. He said, “Mom, that is a great idea! You have to finish it!” A few weeks later, he ran ahead to Heaven. I became obsessed with finishing that calendar. If for no other reason than because of what he had said to me.

I did five more calendars after that one, each with a different theme. During the midst of that, I was encouraged to write a book. I’m excited to share with you that that book releases today!

I wasn’t always excited. To be honest, for a while I listened to the lies that satan told me. “The only reason you are publishing a book is because your son died. If it hadn’t been your dream to write a book, he wouldn’t have died.” I have had some tough conversations with God about this dream of mine. While the dream of an eight-year-old little girl is coming true today, it felt like it came at a great price. The truth is, that just isn’t the way things happen. God didn’t cause my son to die. I didn’t have to trade one for the other. I’m not being punished by God; He has suffered with me every step of the way. This isn’t the world He created. This isn’t the plan He had for us.

However, I can and must choose how to live after such a devastating and tragic event. I choose to serve and honor God for His faithfulness, for all of the things that He has done to carry me through this deep and dark valley.

So, today my first book releases. (I say first because I still have a lot of words!) It is bittersweet. I am excited, and I am sad. I am sad that Joshua isn’t here to mark the event with me. I am excited for all of the love and support that I have received, not only while he was at children’s hospital, not only during his service, not only during the week after he died, but also during the almost eight years since. I didn’t choose this path; I get to choose what I do with it. I choose to put my eyes on the cross and keep moving towards an eternity with my Heavenly Father.

I pray that God is honored and glorified through this book. I pray that people will read it, will read our story and run towards God with arms wide open knowing that only He can save them.

This has not been an easy journey, and I don’t want one minute of it to be wasted. My son lived his race so well, and I want others to live theirs well! I hope you will join God’s team! He is one coach that will equip you with everything you need and will never let you down!

If you are interested in purchasing this book, click here.

Time with God

There have been seasons in my life when I found it difficult to sit down, undistracted for any amount of time and study God’s word. At times it was because we had small children at home, other times it was due to the very long to-do list, or stress at work, or a brain that would just not be quiet, or a heart that was so incredibly heavy with grief. It was frustrating because at the time, I thought that was the only way to spend time with God.

I wish that I could go back and tell my younger self that spending time with God doesn’t always have to be sitting with a Bible in hand in a quiet room. It can be so many other things.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1

If I am truly living out this scripture, my entire life should be given over to God. Not just Sunday mornings in worship, not just the times that I can sit and study scripture. But also the times that I am driving in the car, making dinner, washing dishes, mowing the yard, or weeding the flower beds. Every single thing that I do every single day is to be done in service to God. This is how I worship Him.

Now, some of my favorite times with God are when I am running. Want to know why? It’s the easiest time for me to be quiet and just listen. My mom always said that I have the gift of gab. I can sit and talk to people for hours. I talk too much. It’s a struggle. When I am running, I have to choose between talking and being able to breathe. I choose breathing, so God gets to do all of the talking, and I do all the listening.

It’s not that hard. I just start with, “God, this is what is on my heart, this is what I am struggling with today.” And then I listen. I can’t tell you how many times I have hit the pavement with a problem, and by the time I finished running, I had a solution. In fact, I was out for a run when the idea hit me to write this blog post.

I even wrote this post, and then just let it sit on my computer for nearly a week because I wasn’t sure how it would be received. I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea. I think it is incredibly important that we read scripture and study it in depth. I believe there is a reason that we are told to “Be still” in Psalm 46:10. I also think it isn’t the only way to spend time with God. Even as I was trying to decide whether or not to share these thoughts, a teacher at school asked me if I believed that sitting down in a quiet room was the only way to study and spend time with God. Okay, God, I see what you did there.

I can spend time with my Father in every aspect of my life. Everything that I do, I do for Him. In fact, any daily task is a great time to reach out to God. He is there. Just like He has run every step with me, He also rides in the car with me, and is listening if I want to talk to Him while I am washing dishes. Do you love hanging out with your kiddos in the kitchen or on the ride to school? That’s exactly how God feels about you! He loves spending time with His children regardless of what we are doing.

Try it out! Invite God to hang out with you today while you go about whatever task is on your to do list. Share with Him what is on your heart! He will be delighted and you just might be surprised at how your heart finds peace and comfort during that time with Him.

A Race Well-Lived

I have struggled and struggled over what to say in this post. A dream that I have had since I was an eight-year-old little girl is becoming reality today, and I am experiencing so many emotions.

I am so excited today to fulfill this lifelong goal, and that has caused me immense guilt. There have been some weak moments during this process where I have allowed some lies to seep into my heart. Yes, my dream is coming true, and it came at a great price. The things I learned, the journey that I had to take came as a result of burying a child. The truth is, satan doesn’t want me to be excited today. He wants me to keep telling myself that I only wrote a book because Joshua died. He wants me to feel guilt. And there have been times when he won those battles. He won’t win the war.

What I can tell you with 100% certainty is that I wouldn’t have made it the last eight years without God. It would have been easy to question God. It would have been easy to become angry with Him and walk away. How could a good and loving God allow such terrible things to happen? The truth is, God put us on this earth and gave us free will. We walked away from Him; He didn’t walk away from us.

Our Heavenly Father, our Creator chases after us with so much love and so many blessings, if only we could open our eyes and our hearts to see it all! We have all had opportunities to walk away, but like Simon Peter said in Luke 6:68 “Lord, to whom shall we go?” No one could comfort or rescue me like God! I pray that God is honored and glorified through our story. I pray that people will read it and run towards God with open arms knowing that only He can rescue them.

This has not been an easy journey, and I don’t want one minute of it to be wasted. My son lived his race so well, and I want others to live theirs well! Losing Joshua was so hard! It still is. God didn’t cause it to happen, and I want to shout from the rooftops what He has done for us, how faithful He has been every single step of this brutal journey. So, yes, I will be excited about reaching this goal and let go of the guilt that is not based in God’s truth!

If you are interested in purchasing A Race Well-Lived, click here.

Embracing the Stockdale Paradox

Admiral Jim Stockdale was a prisoner of war during Vietnam. In fact, he was the highest ranking military officer in the camp in Hanoi, a place where prisoners had zero rights. He was held captive there for eight years during which he was tortured more than 20 times. He was one of the few to make it out alive. When Jim Collins interviewed Admiral Stockdale for his book “Good to Great”, he asked him how he was able to survive such dire circumstances. The Admiral responded by saying, “This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” This idea later came to be known as “The Stockdale Paradox.”

Since first reading about Admiral Stockdale a little more than a year ago, I have really chewed on his words. He believed that he would get out of that prisoner of war camp. With his whole heart, he believed and never allowed himself to waver from that belief. He didn’t know when, and he didn’t know how. At the same time, he faced the brutal reality that he was a prisoner of war.

I don’t know what difficulty you are facing. For me, it’s the journey of child loss, and Admiral Stockdale makes two points that I believe can help us as we deal with the most difficult circumstances of this life.

First, we can’t waver in our faith that we will prevail. Is that even possible?

Have you read about Abraham in Romans 4? Verse 18 begins with the phrase, “Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed.” Have you ever felt that it was useless to even hope? Abraham did, and yet he continued to believe through that hope. Not only did he continue to believe through hope, scripture tells us that “he did not waver.”

“Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.” Romans 4:20-21.

Abraham did not waver and neither can we. I’m not saying that we won’t have fleeting thoughts. That is going to happen. However, we can recognize them, take them captive, and replace them with God’s truth. We don’t have to know the outcome to have faith in God and to know that we will prevail.

Second, we have to confront the brutal reality. My husband and I have buried a child, and it is brutal. While it has been almost eight years, we are different people, our lives are different, most everything about our world is different. We have to deal with it, confront it, and live with it every single day. Whatever you are facing has probably made you different as well. It has changed the life you anticipated, the life you planned for, the life you worked for. It’s hard, it hurts. Although we have to face it, we don’t have to face it on our strength alone.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

This life wasn’t God’s plan for us either. He created the Garden of Eden and put humanity there. We ruined that, and God could have turned His back on us. Instead, He continues to provide everything we need. When we are weak, we have God’s strength to rely on, and it is immeasurable. We can take comfort in knowing that we don’t have to struggle alone. He has promised to walk with us every step of the way and to give us what we need to overcome.

Because of these promises, we can live every single day with unwavering faith in God while at the same time facing the reality that life on earth is hard. Those of us who have lost a child miss our kids. We long to see them. We long to hug them, to hear their voices, to laugh with them. We also know that we will see them again. We can’t mark it on a calendar, so we wait in faith all because of God’s promise, knowing that it will happen in His timing. Until then, we live in our current reality while anticipating the joy that is to come.