Uncategorized – Page 2 – With Eyes on the Cross

Wasted Runway

Most of the people who know me know that I hate flying. It seems so wrong to be hurtling through the sky while people are casually reading, watching something on their phones, having a soda, and walking up and down the aisle. They all seem so calm. I appear that way on the outside, rest assured, on the inside I am panicking for all of us!

I recently flew back from visiting our daughter and forced myself to watch the entire descent. I was thrilled to see the trees; it meant we were getting closer to the ground. I was even happier to see the cars along the roads near the airport. I was almost giddy when I could see the runway. I kept waiting for the pilot to touchdown. We were still moving, no touchdown. Still moving, no touchdown. When those wheels finally made contact with the asphalt, I was elated. My next thought was, “he sure did waste a lot of runway.” It seemed to me that we could have touched down so much earlier and taken advantage of that wonderful solid ground.

And that got me thinking about life, how often do I waste my own runway?

“Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:15-16

I have a brand new runway every day when my feet touch the floor. What am I doing to make the most of it? Don’t misunderstand what the passage above is saying. It doesn’t tell us that we need to tackle a mountain-sized to-do list every day or that we need to work ourselves to the point of exhaustion. It says that we are to live “not as unwise, but as wise.”

Those who are wise are intentional with their runway. From the time their feet touch that runway in the morning until those feet come off the runway and are pulled up under the covers on the bed at night, they use what they have to do the good works that God places in front of them. They don’t waste their precious runway with things that aren’t important.

It is so easy to let distractions, worries, and what ifs steal miles and miles from us. None of those have helped me in any given situation or extended my runway. It was just a waste of something precious that I can’t get back. However, I can be sure that from now on, I am more intentional with this gift that I have been given.

Each moment on our runway is a gift that we have from God. Once the moment is spent, it is gone forever. I don’t know why that pilot wasted so much runway, but I don’t want to waste an inch of mine.

Eight Years and Learning

Joshua ran about this earth for 16 years. I say ran because “walked” sounds slow and without intent. He seemed to be everywhere all at the same time grinning that big ole grin of his and exuding love. He ran ahead to Heaven eight years ago today. It is so hard and God is so incredibly good.

At almost every gathering of bereaved parents the conversation turns to comments people make like “It’s been 6 months or it’s been 3 years, when are you going to get over this? When are you going to be back to your old self?” We have been so blessed to not hear those words until recently, when I began to say them to myself. Here we are eight years out, and I am wondering why this day is still challenging. Shouldn’t I be able to face it without all the emotions? Shouldn’t I be “over it” by now?

Even after eight years, I’m still learning about grief. The way it hits at the most inopportune times. The way it doesn’t care about my schedule. The way it blindsides me when I least expect it. The way it always comes around at certain times of the year. One of the things that I have learned is that we grieve deeply because we love deeply. Our lives forever changed the day that Joshua ran ahead to Heaven.

I’m also still learning about the faithfulness of God. Eight years, and He is still providing. Sometimes He provides a little extra time for me to hang out in a blanket of sadness when I need it. Sometimes, He provides a friend who digs a little deeper when I say I am fine. Sometimes, He provides the distractions that I need to keep my mind busy (like terrifying rollercoasters in the dark). Sometimes, He provides little coincidences that aren’t coincidences at all. Are you seeing the pattern? He always provides something, and it is always exactly what I need.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

There are certain days that will always be challenging. A friend reminded me recently that we celebrate the important days that impact us like birthdays and anniversaries – the days that mark significant changes in our lives. It only makes sense that we would also remember difficult days that have had an impact on us. So, the answer is no, I will never “get over” Joshua’s death. I will also probably never be the same person that I was the day before he collapsed. And that is okay.

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently, Romans 8:25

Our earthly lives must continue while we wait to be reunited in Heaven with those we love. Not only must they continue, we must find the purpose and the joy in them, while we wait to be reunited. There are seasons that we embrace with excitement. We are about to enter the wondrous adventure of being grandparents. We are both elated and sad. There will always be an Uncle Joshua sized void this side of Heaven. (He would have been such a cool uncle). That’s why grieving parents never “get back to normal” and never stop grieving. There are always new chapters of life that make them wonder how things might have been different.

That’s also why we continue to cling to God. He is continually mending our broken hearts. He is continually sheltering us in His wings. He is continually fighting with us and providing what we need. And while we can’t control what happens on this earth, we can control where we go for eternity. God will redeem every shed tear. He will redeem every missed moment. He will redeem every bit of sadness and heartache for all eternity. His mercies are new every morning!

Eight years out and still learning so much. Most importantly, I’m learning how good and how faithful God is all the time.

A Dream Comes True And It’s Oh So Bittersweet

One year for Christmas, my grandfather built me a beautiful two-story Barbie doll house. I would spend hours playing with it. I loved to make “books” for my Barbies. I wasn’t allowed to have scissors, so I would fold a sheet of paper over and over until it created a crease that I could gently tear. I would do this until the paper was small enough to fit into their hands. I created whole libraries for them; which led to the decision that someday I wanted to be a writer. I’ve always had a lot of words. I never could figure out what to write about.

Fast forward to adult life, my mom used to create a calendar to give to her church family at Christmas. Every year had a different theme. One year, she included everyone’s favorite recipes; another year it was each couple’s wedding picture. In 2013, she was diagnosed with cancer. I was staying with her after one of her surgeries, and she was trying to decide what theme she should use for the calendar. We both knew that it would probably be the last one she would get to do, and it was important to her. We brainstormed for a while, and then decided that we should pick a prayer theme for each month. We thought it would be nice to include pretty pictures and a poem or verse to go with each theme.

While she was sleeping, I was thinking about how beneficial it would be to include a scripture for each day of the month that went along with that theme. I started with the first month and found a scripture for each day. I wrote an article and sent the proposal to a Christian magazine. They accepted it and asked me to finish the calendar. I had finally found something to write about.

A few months later I was trying to finish up that calendar, and it had become very difficult. I didn’t want any verse to be repeated for the full year, and I was struggling to make that work. My son, Joshua, happened into the room where I was working and asked me what I was doing. I explained and told him how hard it was and that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all. He said, “Mom, that is a great idea! You have to finish it!” A few weeks later, he ran ahead to Heaven. I became obsessed with finishing that calendar. If for no other reason than because of what he had said to me.

I did five more calendars after that one, each with a different theme. During the midst of that, I was encouraged to write a book. I’m excited to share with you that that book releases today!

I wasn’t always excited. To be honest, for a while I listened to the lies that satan told me. “The only reason you are publishing a book is because your son died. If it hadn’t been your dream to write a book, he wouldn’t have died.” I have had some tough conversations with God about this dream of mine. While the dream of an eight-year-old little girl is coming true today, it felt like it came at a great price. The truth is, that just isn’t the way things happen. God didn’t cause my son to die. I didn’t have to trade one for the other. I’m not being punished by God; He has suffered with me every step of the way. This isn’t the world He created. This isn’t the plan He had for us.

However, I can and must choose how to live after such a devastating and tragic event. I choose to serve and honor God for His faithfulness, for all of the things that He has done to carry me through this deep and dark valley.

So, today my first book releases. (I say first because I still have a lot of words!) It is bittersweet. I am excited, and I am sad. I am sad that Joshua isn’t here to mark the event with me. I am excited for all of the love and support that I have received, not only while he was at children’s hospital, not only during his service, not only during the week after he died, but also during the almost eight years since. I didn’t choose this path; I get to choose what I do with it. I choose to put my eyes on the cross and keep moving towards an eternity with my Heavenly Father.

I pray that God is honored and glorified through this book. I pray that people will read it, will read our story and run towards God with arms wide open knowing that only He can save them.

This has not been an easy journey, and I don’t want one minute of it to be wasted. My son lived his race so well, and I want others to live theirs well! I hope you will join God’s team! He is one coach that will equip you with everything you need and will never let you down!

If you are interested in purchasing this book, click here.

Taking Thoughts Captive

The Bible has quite a few scriptures that tell us to do things that I have often not understood. Let’s take this verse for example:

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5

I have always struggled with the idea of taking “every thought captive.” How can I grab hold of my ideas and make them obey me? How can I grab an idea and get rid of it? It isn’t tangible. It isn’t something I can pull out of my head and throw in the trash.

God created us. He knows us better than we know ourselves. There’s a reason that He tells us to take our thoughts captive. He knows the science behind the idea of taking every thought captive. He knows how it benefits the body!

Did you know that your mind controls your brain? It’s not the other way around. Our brains are a physical part of the body. The physical body is controlled by the mind.

I have been reading a book titled, Switch on the Brain by Dr. Caroline Leaf. What I have learned is that when we think negative thoughts, we actually harden the proteins in our brain. We change our brains. However, when we don’t allow the negativity to consume our minds, when we replace the negative for the positive, we soften the proteins in our brains. Our brain becomes more malleable. That’s a good thing.

I believe this is why satan so often goes after us in our own heads. If he can get to our minds, he can harden our brains. The harder those proteins become, the harder it is for us to focus on God which allows satan to pull us away from that hope we have in Christ.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.” Lamentations 3:21

If he can prevent us from calling to mind the promises that God gives us in scripture, we can lose our hope.

What can we do about it? We can take back our minds. We can take those thoughts captive by speaking God’s truth to ourselves. Whatever lie satan has used to get a foothold in your mind, find a scripture that refutes it and memorize it today! The next time he starts to whisper that lie, you can tell him, “not today, satan.” Grab that thought and speak God’s truth over it.

Take those thoughts captive so that you never forget who created you, who you belong to, and who promised you eternal salvation with Him in Heaven!

Perspective

The night that my life changed forever, so did my perspective. When Joshua didn’t return from his run, I texted him. Almost immediately, it showed up as “read”. I thought he had probably stopped at a neighbor’s house to talk to them, but then he didn’t respond to my text. So, I sent another one. When Joshua didn’t read or respond to that one, Michael and I went to look for him. As we drove his route, I called his phone. First, from my phone, then from Michael’s. Over and over again. I probably called his phone 16 times before we came up on the police. We pulled over to the side and told them that our son had gone out for a run and hadn’t come home. One of the officers told us that a young man had been taken to the hospital. That’s all he said. Then, he handed us Joshua’s phone. I don’t remember anything about that officer. I only remember seeing Joshua’s phone in his hand.

We were so focused on getting to the hospital that it never occurred to me to ask why he didn’t answer the phone. I had called repeatedly from two different phones as we drove that 2.43 miles from our house to where Joshua was found.

Later, when I was processing everything, I became angry at that police officer. The one I don’t remember. The one whose name I don’t even know. Why didn’t he just answer the phone and tell us what was going on? I had texted, I had called. He was the one who had read the first text because Joshua was already on his way to the hospital at that point. Why did that police officer wait until we got there? Why didn’t he just answer the phone?

After Joshua passed away, after we celebrated his life, after everyone went back home, and we were learning how to be a family of three, Elizabeth brought Joshua’s phone to me and said, “You aren’t going to believe what I found.”

She showed me Joshua’s list of contacts. He had my number saved in his phone as “She who gave me life” and Michael’s number saved as “The bald guy.” It’s okay to take a moment to laugh. I’m laughing even as I am writing this. If you knew Joshua, he had quite the sense of humor!

My very next thought was, “that poor police officer.” Can you imagine what it must have been like to stand on the side of the road where an as yet unidentified 16-year-old was found unconscious, and his phone keeps lighting up with the words, “She who gave me life” or “The bald guy.” Over and over again. And, just when it stops ringing, it starts again. I can’t even imagine what he must have been thinking. I could no longer be angry with him. Instead, I felt sadness and compassion for what must have been a struggle for him. New information had given me a new perspective.

The Bible doesn’t specifically address perspective; however, it does address judging others and what it means to love others.

By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:35

What does loving one another look like?

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

There is one phrase in this passage that I believe speaks to perspective and two that speak to our reactions. Let’s look at the perspective one first: “love is kind.” Love believes the best about others. In other words, it gives the benefit of the doubt. It believes that people are doing the best they can and making the best decisions that they can for themselves and their families. It believes that maybe I don’t have all of the information and that is why I see the situation differently and think that I would have made a different decision.

Our reactions speak to our love for others. Love “does not act unbecomingly” and “does not take into account a wrong suffered.” Love doesn’t respond with criticism, harsh words, or judgment. It doesn’t believe that everything that happens around me requires my approval. It chooses to accept that people make decisions we don’t agree with because they have reasons or information that we don’t have or know.

I wish that I knew that police officer’s name. I wish that I could have a cup of coffee with him and tell him that I am so sorry for what he had to face that night. I wish I could share some stories about Joshua, about the life he lived. I wish that night, I could have eased some of the angst he must have felt as he held that phone the entire time I was calling. I also wish I could tell him thank you for all that he did.

That one event completely changed what I think and how I respond when someone handles a situation differently than I think I would have handled it. Everyday, we make the choice to judge or to show love. The truth is we don’t know everything, nor do we need to know everything to be loving. It’s a choice we make multiple times a day. In a time when people are so quick to lash out with anger and harsh words, I pray that we can be the type of people to show love and kindness even when we don’t understand or don’t agree.

Time with God

There have been seasons in my life when I found it difficult to sit down, undistracted for any amount of time and study God’s word. At times it was because we had small children at home, other times it was due to the very long to-do list, or stress at work, or a brain that would just not be quiet, or a heart that was so incredibly heavy with grief. It was frustrating because at the time, I thought that was the only way to spend time with God.

I wish that I could go back and tell my younger self that spending time with God doesn’t always have to be sitting with a Bible in hand in a quiet room. It can be so many other things.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1

If I am truly living out this scripture, my entire life should be given over to God. Not just Sunday mornings in worship, not just the times that I can sit and study scripture. But also the times that I am driving in the car, making dinner, washing dishes, mowing the yard, or weeding the flower beds. Every single thing that I do every single day is to be done in service to God. This is how I worship Him.

Now, some of my favorite times with God are when I am running. Want to know why? It’s the easiest time for me to be quiet and just listen. My mom always said that I have the gift of gab. I can sit and talk to people for hours. I talk too much. It’s a struggle. When I am running, I have to choose between talking and being able to breathe. I choose breathing, so God gets to do all of the talking, and I do all the listening.

It’s not that hard. I just start with, “God, this is what is on my heart, this is what I am struggling with today.” And then I listen. I can’t tell you how many times I have hit the pavement with a problem, and by the time I finished running, I had a solution. In fact, I was out for a run when the idea hit me to write this blog post.

I even wrote this post, and then just let it sit on my computer for nearly a week because I wasn’t sure how it would be received. I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea. I think it is incredibly important that we read scripture and study it in depth. I believe there is a reason that we are told to “Be still” in Psalm 46:10. I also think it isn’t the only way to spend time with God. Even as I was trying to decide whether or not to share these thoughts, a teacher at school asked me if I believed that sitting down in a quiet room was the only way to study and spend time with God. Okay, God, I see what you did there.

I can spend time with my Father in every aspect of my life. Everything that I do, I do for Him. In fact, any daily task is a great time to reach out to God. He is there. Just like He has run every step with me, He also rides in the car with me, and is listening if I want to talk to Him while I am washing dishes. Do you love hanging out with your kiddos in the kitchen or on the ride to school? That’s exactly how God feels about you! He loves spending time with His children regardless of what we are doing.

Try it out! Invite God to hang out with you today while you go about whatever task is on your to do list. Share with Him what is on your heart! He will be delighted and you just might be surprised at how your heart finds peace and comfort during that time with Him.

Encourage One Another

My daughter does the coolest things. I want to be more like her. We were out and about one day, when this lady walked past us. My daughter looks at her and says, “I love your shoes!” Y’all the lady just beamed. I had never seen someone light up so quickly!

We continued on, and I asked my daughter, “What made you do that?” Elizabeth isn’t one to just talk to talk, especially to someone she doesn’t know. She explained that she has been seeing so much negativity in the world, so many harsh comments and criticisms, that she has decided to do what she can to spread more positivity. So, she looks for ways to make people smile, and she has found that offering compliments is something that works.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

She lives this verse in her daily life. Everyday, she keeps an eye out on the people around her. She determines that she is going to encourage and build up those that God puts in her path. Sometimes, she has opportunities to build up someone she knows well, sometimes it’s an opportunity to encourage a stranger that she passes on the sidewalk or at a restaurant.

She is so intentional that she sets a goal for herself – specifically how many people she wants to encourage. Then, she goes about her day intentionally looking for those around her that she can lift up.

I know that Paul wrote this passage to the Thessalonians. I know that he was telling Christians to build up one another in the faith. I don’t want it to seem like I am attempting to take this out of context. As Christians, we are called to be a light in a dark world. We come into contact with so many people everyday whose stories we do not know. We have no idea what battles they are fighting. We don’t know what inner struggles they are dealing with. Why bother to say anything to a stranger that we will probably never see again? Because it is a way that we can encourage someone else and shine for Jesus. No, we may never have the opportunity to share Christ with that person, but we shouldn’t miss an opportunity to shine for Him. We can plant the seeds of kindness which in turn offer people hope. Hope that there is something better out there than this dark world.

I challenge you today, pick a number. Then, seek ways to encourage that many people today. Not only will it encourage them, it will also lift the burdens in your heart. God knew exactly what He was doing when He told us to encourage one another. The person doing the encouraging receives just as much encouragement and joy from being the encourager as the one who is being encouraged.

Do Not Be Deceived

I was recently reading Matthew 7, when verse 15 popped out at me. “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.”

You know what hit me? If I don’t know God for myself, it will be so easy to be deceived by the false prophets. If I can’t see through the fake outer covering, I can be swept away by things that are contrary to God’s word. I want to know that I am following God’s word and not the words of a false prophet. How can I be sure?

Let’s look at this concept from the lens of another relationship. I love my husband. I want to spend time with him. I want to know everything about him – his favorite foods, his favorite pastimes, his favorite music. I could ask his closest friends, and they could probably tell me everything I want to know, or I could spend time with him myself to find out.

My relationship with God works the same – I could learn quite a bit about God by listening to others, but I need to know Him for myself. That’s why I should be spending time with Him, so that when those false prophets try to deceive me, I know Him and His word, not just what I have been told about Him.

What does it really matter how I know about God, as long as I know about him, right? Think about someone that you know well. Are there small things that you see that others might not notice because they don’t know the person as well. Are there certain mannerisms that this person uses that tell you things that their words are not saying? Are there certain phrases this person says that give you inside information? You know this person so well that you hear what their words are not saying. You haven’t just learned about them from someone else, you truly know this person so well that you see the thoughts and emotions they can easily hide from those who do not know them.

We are living in an unprecedented time in our nation. We can find information in abundance with just a few clicks. Some of it is completely true and valid. Some of it is skewed and misrepresented. It is easy to be deceived by false prophets if we don’t know the truth. It is so easy to be deceived by what others say when it sounds good, even though it is not. God’s truth is God’s truth. No matter how we try to rationalize and justify it, we can’t make it true if God says it isn’t.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to listen to the teachings of others. In fact, as Christians, it is so important that we come together and learn from one another. It’s not okay to take the word of others as gospel truth. It is the responsibility of each of us to search scriptures for ourselves so that we recognize those false prophets and are able to refute their teachings with God’s truth.

Living Between Two Worlds

Do you ever feel like you are caught between two worlds? The one where you are living and the one where you belong?

You are.

In Genesis when God created man and woman, He placed them in a garden and walked with them in the cool of the day. Did you catch that? We were created for garden living. We were created to walk with God. Sadly, that beautiful garden living was ruined in chapter three when Adam and Eve chose to eat the forbidden fruit. No longer could a sinful creation live with a perfect God. Man was cast out of the garden, and God has been trying to bring us all back to Him since that day. This earth is our temporary home. We don’t belong here. We truly are foreigners here. Our citizenship is in Heaven.

“For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself.” Philippians 3:20-21

I’m ashamed to admit that before my son died, I didn’t think much about Heaven. I knew about it, and I wanted to go there sometime way in the future when I was very old and couldn’t take care of myself anymore. That was about it. It’s interesting how a single life experience can change us. Now, I dream about it. I imagine what it might be like. I long for it. I anticipate it the way a kid anticipates Christmas. My heart yearns for it.

It is hard to eagerly wait for something that we can’t see and don’t understand. Scripture is limited in its description of Heaven, which is challenging for me. I want to know everything about it now as I pass through Earth. While there is so much we don’t know about Heaven, we can know with certainty that it is the place we can look forward to, a place we strive for each and every day. It is the place that God has prepared for those who love Him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

If I am being honest, I love to think about what it will be like when we get to Heaven. Look around at the beauty of the creation where we live. Our Father is imaginative and creative and has designed a place for us to spend eternity with Him that is so beyond what our human minds can fathom.

I believe it delights God when we get excited about our eternal home. I have even shared with Him a few things that I hope we will get to see and do in Heaven. One thing I know without a doubt is that it is going to be so incredibly perfect that not for a second will I miss earth or wish that Heaven were any different.

Until God calls us from our temporary home to our eternal home, I pray we can live out the words of Romans 8:25 “But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.” I pray that you are persevering in your walk with our Father and eagerly awaiting the eternal home that He has lovingly designed and created for each one of us. We have such hope to share with those around us while we are waiting to be called home.

A Race Well-Lived

I have struggled and struggled over what to say in this post. A dream that I have had since I was an eight-year-old little girl is becoming reality today, and I am experiencing so many emotions.

I am so excited today to fulfill this lifelong goal, and that has caused me immense guilt. There have been some weak moments during this process where I have allowed some lies to seep into my heart. Yes, my dream is coming true, and it came at a great price. The things I learned, the journey that I had to take came as a result of burying a child. The truth is, satan doesn’t want me to be excited today. He wants me to keep telling myself that I only wrote a book because Joshua died. He wants me to feel guilt. And there have been times when he won those battles. He won’t win the war.

What I can tell you with 100% certainty is that I wouldn’t have made it the last eight years without God. It would have been easy to question God. It would have been easy to become angry with Him and walk away. How could a good and loving God allow such terrible things to happen? The truth is, God put us on this earth and gave us free will. We walked away from Him; He didn’t walk away from us.

Our Heavenly Father, our Creator chases after us with so much love and so many blessings, if only we could open our eyes and our hearts to see it all! We have all had opportunities to walk away, but like Simon Peter said in Luke 6:68 “Lord, to whom shall we go?” No one could comfort or rescue me like God! I pray that God is honored and glorified through our story. I pray that people will read it and run towards God with open arms knowing that only He can rescue them.

This has not been an easy journey, and I don’t want one minute of it to be wasted. My son lived his race so well, and I want others to live theirs well! Losing Joshua was so hard! It still is. God didn’t cause it to happen, and I want to shout from the rooftops what He has done for us, how faithful He has been every single step of this brutal journey. So, yes, I will be excited about reaching this goal and let go of the guilt that is not based in God’s truth!

If you are interested in purchasing A Race Well-Lived, click here.