Grief – With Eyes on the Cross

Celebrating Birthdays Without Him

Today is his earthly birthday. He would have been 25 years old, a quarter of a century. A pivotal age when family and careers are beginning. I can’t help but wonder where he would be in life. Married? College graduate? Children? Preaching? Those are questions that will never be answered. Just musings that I will have as long as I continue to walk this earth. The wonderings of what might have been.

My daughter and I were chatting on the phone a few days ago. She confessed that she just didn’t have any motivation and could feel herself falling into a funk. She said she couldn’t figure out why. There wasn’t anything going on that was bothering her. I suggested she look at the calendar. It hit her immediately. Brother’s birthday is coming. We both have been feeling it. Even when we don’t acknowledge grief, the body does. The body doesn’t forget or even need the calendar. It just knows.

It isn’t just today that is hard. The days leading up are also hard. I struggle with motivation. I tend to sleep more. I’m just sad. We have heard so many bereaved parents share that the people around them want them to be better, to be over their child’s death. There is a significant reason why that is just not possible.

Grief is love with no place to go.

The absolute best description of grief I have heard. Grieving parents can’t get over it. They can’t be like they used to be. They will forever have all of this love for a child that isn’t here for them to love.

It’s also no wonder that the days leading up are hard. Those are the days that we should have been planning and shopping and baking his favorites. But he isn’t here. So, we can’t shower him with all of the love that we feel. That’s why we are sad. That’s why we can’t get motivated. We can’t do what we long to do and celebrate him today.

So, what do we do on his birthday? We mope for a while. That is literally our plan for the morning. We just hang out at home in our pajamas. We wrap the sadness around us like a blanket and just sit in our sorrow for a bit. Around lunch time, one of us will get the motivation to get up and get dressed, and will encourage the other one to do the same. Then, we drive to a local bakery and pay for random birthday cakes. We can’t buy him a birthday cake, but maybe buying one for someone else will help ease the sadness. It does. We feel a little less burdened. And then, we go have a steak and a Dr. Pepper. It’s what he would have requested.

Today, in honor of his birthday, Michael, Elizabeth, and I want to share 25 things that we love about Joshua!

His infectious smile that would change the mood of a room.
His white hair.
His love for Jesus.
His compassion for anyone in need.
His pranks.
His corny pick up lines.
The way he loved his sister and wasn’t embarrassed for anyone to know.
His gift for encouraging others.
His respect for our military.
His love for our family.
His selflessness.
He accepted his heart condition and continued to live life happily.
His love for everyone regardless of age or socioeconomic status.
His ability to overcome disappointment.
His HUGS!
His ability to be receptive during tough conversations.
The way he rejoiced and celebrated the successes of others.
His photo bombs.
His first instinct to pray anytime there was a need.
His love for the game and not just for winning.
His larger than life laugh.
His generosity to total strangers.
His eagerness to forgive.
His willingness to admit mistakes and say I’m sorry.
The way his head always bobbed when he was playing the marimba.

There are so many more reasons that we loved him. He left a huge void in our lives when he left this earth. We are forever changed for having known him. We are forever changed because he isn’t here to share life with us.

Grief is a difficult road. We know what the future holds and can simultaneously cling to that while still being sad. We grieve because we loved. We know that one day we will be called home too. One day we will be reunited with those we love for all of eternity. It’s not a hope. It’s a promise from God.

Glimmers of Hope

In his book, Through the Eyes of a Lion, Levi Lusko calls grief an endurance sport. Nothing could be more accurate. I have run many sprints during my earthly life – the challenges of finishing school and graduating, the hunt for a job, the break-ups, financial struggles, illnesses, recovery from a surgery. Unlike all of those events that had a start and end time, grief is different. It has a start time. There is a dot on a timeline where my life changed in an instant. But it doesn’t have an end time. At least not here.

There will not come a day this side of Heaven, that I will round that last turn to give it one more big push, cross the finish line, wipe the sweat from my forehead and boldly proclaim that I have overcome my grief. It isn’t something that is overcome, it is something that is endured. As long as I live, I will miss Joshua. I will miss him during the big moments in life and in small random moments. Not because I am wallowing in self-pity, but because he was supposed to be here. My future included him. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Now that we are all sufficiently depressed, is there anything that I can do about it? Yes!

They say that knowledge is power. I have the knowledge that I am going to grieve losing him for the rest of my life, so I also have the power to make choices as to what I do with this grief.

I could stay home whine, be bitter, and sad the rest of my life. Trust me, there are days that option is so incredibly tempting.

Or, I could share our story. Not for sympathy or pity. Not to compete with others to see whose story is worse. Instead, I could share our story so that others see Jesus because Jesus is where we find out hope! Everyone has a story and everyone’s story is filled with agony and broken spirits. They are also filled with God’s goodness and blessings. They are filled with His mighty power. They are filled with His promises.

Our stories bring glimmers of hope. And there is nothing more powerful than the tiniest glimmer of hope. Hope can give our heart the desire to keep pressing forward. It can give our bodies a bit more energy to do the next thing. It can lift our spirits enough to see that the sun is still rising every morning and God still sits on the throne of Heaven.

Your story may not be grief. It may be chronic illness, abuse, mental health. Whatever adversity you have overcome, when you tell your story someone hears about Jesus. And that is where they find their own hope. That hope gives them the strength to persevere.

I pray you find opportunities to share your story today so that others may see Jesus and find the tiniest glimmer of hope to cling to.

To Whom Shall I Go?

Have you ever come across a scripture that you know you have read a million times, and this time it’s different, it hits you, hard, and you realize that you get it?

The sixth chapter of John starts by telling us about all of the people who were following Jesus because of the miracles that He was performing. They were watching Him as He went about healing the sick. As the crowd is gathering, Jesus shows compassion for their physical needs and feeds them. He fed all five thousand of them with five small loaves of bread and two small fish. Not only did everyone get their fill, there were twelve baskets of leftovers. That very evening, Jesus walks on water.

The next day the crowd follows Him all the way to Capernaum. They want to know how to do the work that God requires. They want a sign, like the manna from Heaven that was given to their forefathers. Jesus tries to explain to them that He is the bread of life. They are so focused on the physical, they completely miss the point. Jesus is offering them something eternal, something so much better than manna.

Do you know what many of the disciples said, “This statement is very unpleasant; who can listen to it?” (John 6:60) And then, they left. They walked away. They walked away from Jesus the day after He miraculously fed them all because they thought that what He was teaching was too hard.

Jesus turned to the twelve and asked “You do not want to leave too, do you?” (v. 67). Simon Peter responds, “Lord, to whom shall we go?”

Can you see the puzzled look on Simon Peter’s face as he turns to Jesus to answer this question? Can you feel the burden in his heart?

I had never understood Peter before. My head got it. Now, my heart feels it, in every tiny crevice. I feel what he is saying. To whom shall I go?

During those long months when I wrestled with God over the death of our son. When I poured out my heart begging to understand why this had to be the plan, it didn’t occur to me to walk away from God. Where would I go? There is no one else who understands the way that God understands. There is no one else who can comfort the way God can comfort.

I wrestled with God. The very scripture that God gave us to bring us comfort, I spewed back at Him as I told Him that it wasn’t comforting. I showed Him the flaw in His plan. I freely shared with Him all of the things that He could have done differently to change the outcome. My heart was shattered.

Do you know what God did? He listened. He held me in my pain. He brought me comfort in ways that I could have never imagined – through songs, through family and friends, through memories, through others who were walking the same journey. He waited patiently while I grieved. Do you know what He didn’t do? He never walked away from me. He never left me to grieve alone.

If God isn’t going to walk away from me during my darkest times, how could I walk away from Him? I will probably never understand this side of Heaven why Joshua died so young. What I do know is that in all things, in all seasons of life, God is faithful. I know that one day, my time on this earth will also come to an end. On that day, my faith shall be my sight. On that day, I will join my Savior in Heaven and be reunited with my son where we will spend all of eternity together without any tears, without any sorrow. What a glorious day that will be!

Drafting – It’s Not Just for Nascar

Have you heard of drafting? If you are a Nascar fan, you probably know exactly what I am talking about. A driver will tuck in behind another driver, following along so close to their bumper, and race for miles. The complicated explanation of how this works uses words like “aerodynamics, negative lift, pressure differential, downforce, and friction drag.” I do not have the technical knowledge to explain any of that. So, allow me to water it down significantly so that I can understand it.

The less complicated explanation is that it allows drivers to drive faster with better fuel efficiency. They tuck in behind a car so that the one in front takes all of the wind resistance leaving the driver in the back the opportunity to skate along. He saves energy and fuel. Later during the race, the driver in the back can pull out from behind the other driver theoretically with plenty of energy to hopefully win the race.

I never gave much thought to drafting until I started running. Runners will also do it. It’s the same concept: one runner will tuck in behind another to lessen the wind resistance thus saving energy until closer to the end of the race when the back runner can step out with a reserve and pull ahead.

After I started running, I began to recognize the many correlations between running and Christianity. I believe this idea of drafting is an important concept in our earthly races.

A little more than eight years ago, my husband and I experienced the single most devastating event in our lives, our 16-year-old son died. We didn’t know what to do. We walked around in a fog for the first six months. It was like the world was spinning out of control, and we could not get our feet on solid ground. Every task took an enormous amount of energy; much more than ever before. The simplest decisions took concentrated effort. We were floundering.

One day we learned about a group called While We’re Waiting. It is a faith-based group specifically for parents whose children have run ahead to Heaven. You are wondering, what this has to do with drafting. I promise, I am getting there.

This group was created by other parents who had also experienced the loss of a child. By people who knew exactly what we were going through. Do you see where I am going?

We attended a parent retreat where we spent an entire weekend with 11 other couples who were on the same journey we were on – trying to learn to live without a huge piece of our hearts. That weekend we talked about the worst day of our lives. We laughed, we cried, we ate a lot, and we talked about the depth of love a Heavenly Father has for His children. We glazed over the pleasantries and went straight to the hardcore realities of this earthly life. It was the most uplifting, encouraging retreat we had ever attended.

Do you see what we did? We drafted. We tucked in behind other parents, many of whom were further along on the journey than we were. We listened, we learned, we clung to them for strength and encouragement. They did not deny us any of it. They poured into us in ways that we didn’t even realize we needed. For the next couple of years, we continued to draft. We attended other events including a support group, a marriage retreat, a mom’s day and a dad’s day. We listened, we learned, we clung to them. We spent time together with others who knew the difficulties.

Then, we began to feel stronger. It wasn’t a day that we could mark on a calendar. It was just a time when someone else needed encouragement, and we were able to provide some. Someone else needed strength, and we had a little to give. As more opportunities arose, we found that we were beginning to pull out from behind the other couples to encourage other parents.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:3

Drafting allows us to carry one another, to comfort one another, and to provide strength for those who are hurting. Whether someone needs help fighting against temptation or surviving through difficult circumstances, we are called to carry the burdens of others. Why? Because God knows how much stronger we are together than we are individually.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” I Thessalonians 5:11

Drafting allows us to encourage one another. Do you really understand the amount of hope that you provide? Remember that parent retreat we attended? We met a couple there whose son had passed away nearly twenty years prior. When they laughed, I found hope. When they expressed joy, I found hope. When they talked to me, I found hope. They were on the same path I was on, and they weren’t just surviving, they were living well. I wanted that too! I spent that weekend watching and learning from them. I tucked in behind them.

The great thing about Christianity is that we are all in this together. We are all on the journey towards Heaven, and we are all supposed to do life together, to help one another and to encourage one another. Regardless of what you are struggling with, you can find someone to draft behind. I guarantee it! You can find someone to give you the strength and encouragement you need while you rest a bit from the fighting. Then, one day, you will feel strengthened enough to come out and join in the journey alongside them.

Growing in 2022

For the last several years, I have adopted the “choose a word” idea for the new year. I had tried the New Year’s Resolutions for years, but it just wasn’t working out. Things would go great until school started back for the spring semester (you know, around January 4th or 5th), and then it just all seemed to fall apart. After our son died, it became impossible.

There are so many layers to grief. One of the things that became incredibly difficult for me to do after Joshua’s death was scheduling – dentist appointments, oil changes, etc. My brain just couldn’t process the logistics anymore. So, the whole idea of New Year’s Resolutions was daunting. I was already dreading the date change. It meant a new year was approaching that Joshua would not be a part of. Trying to create a list of all the things that I was going to do differently, was just too much. Then, a friend shared with me this approach of a single word. It was a game-changer for me.

I didn’t feel the stress or the pressure to complete a to-do list everyday. I also felt like it helped me gain strength and understanding because it was a more focused approach. It allowed me to work on just one thing, just one. Not a long list. I could make decisions through the lens of that one idea, that one word. It made a huge difference in every area of my life. Now, I am ready to do even more with it. More than just choose the word and wait and see what happens. I want to be more intentional with it, I want to learn more about what scripture says, I want to challenge myself. So, I’m trying something new this year.

“Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith, test yourselves.” 2 Corinthians 13:5

Each month, I am going to sit down and reflect on the past month, intentionally focusing on the word that I have chosen, what scripture says about it, what some of my experiences have been, and any missed opportunities to apply it. I’m also going to challenge myself to stretch outside my comfort zone a little. It won’t be anything fancy, just some questions and ideas to help me make the most of 2022 as I seek to look more like Jesus and less like the world.

God created us and knows the wisdom we will gain from reflecting on the past as we seek to grow closer to Him. He knows that we will grow stronger in our faith as we spend time in His word. He knows that we will be more prepared to take on satan when he attacks. Be forewarned, whatever word you choose, satan will be ready to test you. He will be ready to give you opportunities to grow in that area.

God is also ready to walk with you, to give you strength, to encourage you, and to fight with you. You are never alone.

If you are interested in trying this approach with me, I will be sharing my reflection questions on this blog. I would love to hear about your journey! I hope you will share with me how things are going either in the comments or in an email. Together, we are quite the opponent against the evil one, and it is an honor to fight him alongside you.

Click here for January’s reflection.

2022 is coming!

It’s about that time of the year when I begin to plan and think about what I want to focus on next year. It’s that time of the year when I start looking for my word or phrase for the year. I started this several years ago after a friend shared this idea with me. I have never been good at New Year’s Resolutions. Oh, I could make quite the list and would have quite the aspirations. Then life would happen, and my beautiful schedule that included all of my do’s and don’ts would get all discombobulated. Ultimately, I would feel like a failure for not being able to keep all of my resolutions.

Choosing a word or phrase for the year has made such a difference for me! Now instead of a list of things to do or a list of things not to do, I have one area to focus on all year with a scripture that guides my thoughts and my decision-making. It has been especially helpful when life becomes difficult.

The first year, I chose the phrase “run your race” (Hebrews 12:1). It was a couple of years after our son died, and I couldn’t stop comparing my life to the lives of those around me. Thanksgiving had just ended, complete with all of the pictures of intact families. Christmas was coming, and I knew there would be more pictures to follow. My family felt so broken and lost. We were missing a huge piece of our lives. I knew that I had to focus on my race and run it, not try to run someone else’s. It made a huge difference.

Another year, I chose the word “courage” (Joshua 1:9). I am afraid of just about everything. I wanted to stop feeling afraid and instead walk with courage into daily life. While I am still not courageous enough to go bungee jumping or skydiving, I did ride rollercoasters in the dark a couple of months ago! That’s a win!

Another year, I chose the phrase “open my eyes” (Psalm 119:18). I felt like I was missing out on some of the blessings that God was lavishing on me. I wanted to see all of the blessings and all of the opportunities that He gave me. That year, I focused on looking for both. The saying is true; we do find what we are looking for.

What I love about this idea is that even years later, I continue to find myself thinking about the words or phrases that I chose. They continue to influence my life and my walk with the Lord.

I’m still searching the scriptures and praying for just the right word or phrase this year. It will come, at just the right time. I’m so excited for all the possibilities!

How about you? Do you choose a word or phrase for the year? I would love to hear about it!

Grace for the Holidays

There are so many posts being shared right now about how to survive the holidays. They are all full of great tips, strategies, and ideas. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a one size fits all when it comes to walking through those tough days. So regardless of which idea you choose, allow yourself and those around you some grace.

The first few years after Joshua died, our daughter was still home. For us, it was simple. Each year, we asked her where she wanted to wake up and how she wanted to celebrate. It helped us face the holidays a little easier knowing that she was where she was most comfortable.

When she moved out and got married, we had to figure out some new strategies. It is tough. The holidays are so much more challenging when someone is missing from the table. We typically had at least a plan A, B, and C. And more often than not, when we woke up the morning of, we went with a totally different plan. We could only do what we felt like we could handle. One of the best things that we did for one another is bring buckets and buckets of grace into the holiday season. Not just for each other, but also for ourselves.

The year that none of us felt like decorating, we didn’t. Grace. When we didn’t want to face the shopping crowds, we didn’t give as many gifts and most were ordered online. Grace. When we didn’t have the strength to take a family photo of just the three of us for Christmas cards, we didn’t. Grace. We accepted fewer invitations to holiday events. Grace. And, when one of us got peopled out, we made a quiet exit. Grace.

It became the gift that we gave each other. A much appreciated gift that was both given and received freely.

It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the season. It is natural to want to continue the same traditions. It is also absolutely okay to change things if it makes getting through the holidays easier. After eight Christmases without Joshua, there are some traditions that we have returned to. There are others that will probably only remain in our memories. And, that’s okay too. Why, because grace.

“The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.” Revelation 22:21

The very last verse in God’s Holy Word. We have been extended a tremendous amount of grace. May we always offer that same grace to those around us, and maybe even a little more when what is supposed to be a joyful season is tinged with sadness and loss.

Eight Years and Learning

Joshua ran about this earth for 16 years. I say ran because “walked” sounds slow and without intent. He seemed to be everywhere all at the same time grinning that big ole grin of his and exuding love. He ran ahead to Heaven eight years ago today. It is so hard and God is so incredibly good.

At almost every gathering of bereaved parents the conversation turns to comments people make like “It’s been 6 months or it’s been 3 years, when are you going to get over this? When are you going to be back to your old self?” We have been so blessed to not hear those words until recently, when I began to say them to myself. Here we are eight years out, and I am wondering why this day is still challenging. Shouldn’t I be able to face it without all the emotions? Shouldn’t I be “over it” by now?

Even after eight years, I’m still learning about grief. The way it hits at the most inopportune times. The way it doesn’t care about my schedule. The way it blindsides me when I least expect it. The way it always comes around at certain times of the year. One of the things that I have learned is that we grieve deeply because we love deeply. Our lives forever changed the day that Joshua ran ahead to Heaven.

I’m also still learning about the faithfulness of God. Eight years, and He is still providing. Sometimes He provides a little extra time for me to hang out in a blanket of sadness when I need it. Sometimes, He provides a friend who digs a little deeper when I say I am fine. Sometimes, He provides the distractions that I need to keep my mind busy (like terrifying rollercoasters in the dark). Sometimes, He provides little coincidences that aren’t coincidences at all. Are you seeing the pattern? He always provides something, and it is always exactly what I need.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

There are certain days that will always be challenging. A friend reminded me recently that we celebrate the important days that impact us like birthdays and anniversaries – the days that mark significant changes in our lives. It only makes sense that we would also remember difficult days that have had an impact on us. So, the answer is no, I will never “get over” Joshua’s death. I will also probably never be the same person that I was the day before he collapsed. And that is okay.

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently, Romans 8:25

Our earthly lives must continue while we wait to be reunited in Heaven with those we love. Not only must they continue, we must find the purpose and the joy in them, while we wait to be reunited. There are seasons that we embrace with excitement. We are about to enter the wondrous adventure of being grandparents. We are both elated and sad. There will always be an Uncle Joshua sized void this side of Heaven. (He would have been such a cool uncle). That’s why grieving parents never “get back to normal” and never stop grieving. There are always new chapters of life that make them wonder how things might have been different.

That’s also why we continue to cling to God. He is continually mending our broken hearts. He is continually sheltering us in His wings. He is continually fighting with us and providing what we need. And while we can’t control what happens on this earth, we can control where we go for eternity. God will redeem every shed tear. He will redeem every missed moment. He will redeem every bit of sadness and heartache for all eternity. His mercies are new every morning!

Eight years out and still learning so much. Most importantly, I’m learning how good and how faithful God is all the time.

Living Between Two Worlds

Do you ever feel like you are caught between two worlds? The one where you are living and the one where you belong?

You are.

In Genesis when God created man and woman, He placed them in a garden and walked with them in the cool of the day. Did you catch that? We were created for garden living. We were created to walk with God. Sadly, that beautiful garden living was ruined in chapter three when Adam and Eve chose to eat the forbidden fruit. No longer could a sinful creation live with a perfect God. Man was cast out of the garden, and God has been trying to bring us all back to Him since that day. This earth is our temporary home. We don’t belong here. We truly are foreigners here. Our citizenship is in Heaven.

“For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself.” Philippians 3:20-21

I’m ashamed to admit that before my son died, I didn’t think much about Heaven. I knew about it, and I wanted to go there sometime way in the future when I was very old and couldn’t take care of myself anymore. That was about it. It’s interesting how a single life experience can change us. Now, I dream about it. I imagine what it might be like. I long for it. I anticipate it the way a kid anticipates Christmas. My heart yearns for it.

It is hard to eagerly wait for something that we can’t see and don’t understand. Scripture is limited in its description of Heaven, which is challenging for me. I want to know everything about it now as I pass through Earth. While there is so much we don’t know about Heaven, we can know with certainty that it is the place we can look forward to, a place we strive for each and every day. It is the place that God has prepared for those who love Him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

If I am being honest, I love to think about what it will be like when we get to Heaven. Look around at the beauty of the creation where we live. Our Father is imaginative and creative and has designed a place for us to spend eternity with Him that is so beyond what our human minds can fathom.

I believe it delights God when we get excited about our eternal home. I have even shared with Him a few things that I hope we will get to see and do in Heaven. One thing I know without a doubt is that it is going to be so incredibly perfect that not for a second will I miss earth or wish that Heaven were any different.

Until God calls us from our temporary home to our eternal home, I pray we can live out the words of Romans 8:25 “But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.” I pray that you are persevering in your walk with our Father and eagerly awaiting the eternal home that He has lovingly designed and created for each one of us. We have such hope to share with those around us while we are waiting to be called home.

It’s No Secret

I treasure the time that I get to spend with other grieving parents. That sounds odd, right? I wouldn’t have chosen this path had there been an option. None of us would have. Yet here we are. So we travel it together. There is just something about spending time with someone who is on the same journey that brings healing and comfort. We can talk about anything. There are things we can talk about when we are together that we can’t talk about with those who have not lost a child. Sadly, one of the most important being our children. Doesn’t make much sense, does it?

Unfortunately, one of the more common discussions among grieving parents is, “What am I supposed to say when my family or my friends think I should be over this by now. They don’t like it when I talk about my child.” This is such a heart wrenching situation to face. We won’t get to see our sweet babies again this side of Heaven. We like to reminisce. We like to share their stories. We love to say their names. We love to hear their names. It’s like a balm that soothes a hurting heart.

I recently heard a profound description of someone who was grieving, “It’s no secret that she is grieving. It’s no secret that her hope is in the Lord.” What a beautiful thing to say! And, what a beautiful, healthy way to grieve.

Grief is hard because it is uncomfortable. It can’t be fixed with words, casseroles, or a few days of rest. It is hard to helplessly stand by and watch someone cry. We don’t like to watch people hurt, especially when there is nothing that we can do to fix the root cause of the pain.

But what if we embraced the grieving without trying to fix them? What if we just sat with them in their sadness? When a grieving parent speaks their child’s name or repeats the same story about their child, they are not trying to make you feel awkward or uncomfortable. Trust me, they are in those situations enough that they don’t try to create them. They are simply trying to be a part of a conversation where they already feel out of place and lonely. What if we just listened?

Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. Job 2:13

Job’s friends were a gift to him. It wasn’t a secret that he was grieving, so they came and sat with him in his grief and didn’t say a word. They knew they couldn’t help him, and they didn’t want him to be alone. For seven days, they were the perfect friends. (I don’t want to talk about what happened next because that is not the purpose of this post.)

Not only should our grief not be a secret, we should use it to point others back to God.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 tells us that we do not grieve like those without hope. We grieve. That’s no secret and neither should the hope that we have be kept quiet. We serve a faithful God who will never leave us or forsake us. We need to share who He is even when the waves of grief are unrelenting as they crash down on us.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him. Nahum 1:7

God has been my refuge. He has brought me comfort and healing in so many different ways since Joshua ran ahead to Heaven. He is available anytime day or night no matter where I am. He is always there with me.

“I tell you,” He replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” Luke 19:40

If I don’t praise God, the rocks will. I don’t want it to be a secret how He has carried me through this. I want everyone to know that He fulfills His promises. He has never failed me, even during my darkest days when I have questioned Him.

Our son walked this earth for 16 very short years. He made a mark. I will grieve his absence even while I cling to God’s promise of our eternity together. I will talk about him a lot! I don’t want it to be a secret that I miss him, nor do I want it to be a secret that my hope is in the Lord.