Michelle Moore

Why I submit to my husband

Michael and I were privileged to sit down with a young engaged couple last night to talk about marriage. These interviews are a part of the pre-marital counseling they are doing with the campus minister. We talk about all of it- the good, the bad and the ugly. There are always some good conversations that come out of these interviews. Last night, it seemed to be submission.

Twenty-five years ago, when Michael and I sat down with his parents and told them that we wanted to get married, his dad pulled out his Bible and read to us from Ephesians 5. You know the passage. “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands.” (v 22) As Michael heard those words, I saw his head grow a bit. It must have felt cool to hear that his soon-to-be wife was instructed by God to submit to him. But as his dad continued to read, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” (v. 25) I saw a different look, a feeling of responsibility, a desire to live up to the perfect example of Christ.

Submission. It’s such a negative word in our society. Many believe that women are basically doormats, someone who never speaks and only serves those around her.

Not even close.

I wish that I had truly understood God’s design for submission when Michael and I married. I didn’t get it. It has been a struggle of mine for years. I have opinions. I share them freely. I often think things should be done a certain way and that there is only one right way. However, when I did begin to submit to my husband, truly submit the way God intended, our marriage changed. It wasn’t a bad marriage before. It became even better.

It seems like often the focus of that passage is on women and what it means to submit. The truth is, we really can’t talk about one part of this scripture without the other. These instructions that Paul wrote go hand-in-hand.

God designed men and women very differently. It’s what makes a marriage such a great part of life. And each one of us has a specific role. My husband needs me because God designed me to do what he can’t do. I think differently. I see the world from a different perspective.

The reality is that difficult decisions have to be made in a marriage. Someone has to be responsible for making those decisions, especially if the two people involved don’t see eye-to-eye. According to scripture, that responsibility goes to the husband. That doesn’t mean that a wife just sits around and hopes for the best. God did not design marriage so that a husband could have a wife for him to dominate or walk over, or for a wife to be a slave to him. But as someone who would walk alongside of him, someone he can share his life and dreams with and someone who can share ideas for those difficult situations.

I heard a great illustration that really describes it well for me. God made Eve from one of Adam’s ribs – not from his head so that he could rule over her and not from his feet so that he could walk over her. He made her from his side, from close to his heart so that he could love and protect her.

I love the way Michael explained it last night. He looked that soon to be husband straight in the eyes, and said, “God gave her to you for a reason. You would be a fool to not listen to her.”

Wives, I am going to be honest with you. I think we have the easy part. All we have to do is submit. Our husbands, they have the burden of making some difficult decisions. They will answer to God for the way they lead their families.

I spent too many years trying to be the one to come up with all of the right answers. Instead of being the wife, I was stubborn and tried to tell Michael how to do things. Instead of supporting his decisions, I tried to make all of them for him. Let’s be honest, I was wrong. It’s almost as if I felt like I was competing with him. I needed to come up with the right plays so to speak.

I look back and wish so desperately that I could take back that time and do it better. Michael has taught me so much about marriage, parenting and life. He has loved me even when I made the wrong decisions. He has never criticized me for any of my choices. He has never thrown any of those things back up during a disagreement. He is full of wisdom.

Sadly, I am a slow learner and it took me a while to realize that my husband is not the competition. We are on the same team. It is us against the problem. Us against whatever satan is trying to use to divide us. He is the real enemy.

God has given husbands the ultimate authority in the marriage. My husband has had to make some incredibly difficult decisions for our family. Does he make decisions I don’t agree with? Of course. Does he make decisions that turn out not to be the best. Uh huh. He is a human. He is not perfect. He doesn’t need me to tell the world or remind him of those. He already knows. He needs me to love and support him. I need to be my husband’s greatest cheerleader.

I have talked to wives who were willing to submit to their husbands when he had earned it, when he deserved it. Look carefully at verse 22 again. It says for wives to submit. There are no conditions placed on that statement. When a decision needs to be made, I share my thoughts and my opinions, and then I get on my knees and ask God to bless my husband with the wisdom to make the best decision for our family. Sometimes things turn out as we hoped, and I support and encourage him. Sometimes they do not, and I support and encourage him. The world is going to criticize my husband enough. Others are going to remind him of his mistakes for years to come. He doesn’t need me to do the same.

I have a friend who was getting married years ago. Her mother told her, “When you get mad at him, don’t call me and tell me about it. You will forgive him. I might not.” There is so much truth in those words.

Why do I submit to my husband? Because his eyes are on the cross. Because he takes his half of the equation just as seriously as I take my half. There is no doubt in my mind that he would lay down his life for me. He has sacrificed more than I could write about in this blog.

Perhaps you are a wife who is thinking, “That’s all well and good, but my husband doesn’t seek Christ.” What better way to lead him to Christ, than by acknowledging his God-given role in your marriage and submitting to him. Praying for him, lifting him up, encouraging him, saying positive things about him to your family will change your marriage. Not overnight. And I know that it sounds like a Pollyanna approach. I am sure that it doesn’t work 100% of the time. However, I know that when I face God, I want to be able to say that I followed His instructions for my marriage and no one else’s.

Finding the Courage

Several years ago I came across an idea that I decided to adopt. Instead of writing New Year’s Resolutions, I chose a word for the year. This word would be the word that would encourage me, motivate me and call me to action as I strive to be a better Christian.

This year, I chose the word COURAGE. I am by nature a fearful person. I see danger in everything. I hate it. I wish that I wasn’t this way. However, just because it is a tendency that I have doesn’t mean that I should cave to it. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV). If God does not give us fear, it must come from satan. I don’t want to give satan a foothold in any area of my life. Sadly, I have caved to my fears too many times.

Since, I was about eight years old, I have wanted to be a writer. I used to make books for my Barbie dolls. Tiny ones that they could hold in their hands. For the last three years, I have considered on and off writing a blog. It terrifies me. What do I have to say that would benefit anyone? What if no one reads it? What if, what if, what if? The questions are endless.

Fear has been a constant obstacle my entire life. I decided this year would be the year that I would face some of those fears.

It has been quite the learning experience. I have found that courage is not the absence of fear. It is doing something despite the fear you might be feeling in the pit of your stomach. Fear of being rejected or humiliated. Fear of being hurt. Fear of things not working out the way you hoped.

What have I done this year to be courageous? Have I gone sky-diving or bungee-jumping? Nope (and will not). But I also didn’t jump out of my car and run screaming this morning when I saw the spider crawling across the inside of my sunroof as I was driving down the road.

More importantly, I have worked on my own inner critic that often says to me, “You can’t do that. You aren’t smart enough. You are not talented enough. No one cares what you think.” I have faced fears that can’t be seen. I still have some room to grow, but I am continually learning to give my fears over to God and replace them with faith in Him and not in myself.

And you know what, God is constantly providing me with just the right thing to give me the courage I need. Recently, that came in the form of a scripture that I am certain I had read before, but this time it helped me face a fear head-on.

“You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you” (2 Chronicles 20:17 NIV).

I read this verse just a couple of days before I was getting on an airplane to fly to a third-world country. Flying terrifies me. I get heart palpitations just looking at an airplane in the sky. Talk about what if scenarios. I can come up with a thousand before the flight attendants even begin their safety speech. So, this verse really spoke to me that day. Two days later, as I stepped through the door of that airplane, I was repeating this scripture to myself over and over.

Do you hear what God is saying? He was telling King Jehoshaphat that he literally did not have to fight. Guess what! I don’t have to fight either! I just have to choose my position and stand firm. God will handle the rest.

I am not even responsible for the outcome. I am only responsible for taking a stand and trusting God. There is so much freedom in that!

What do you need the courage to do today? Heal a relationship. Get on an airplane. Start a blog. Approach the boss with a new idea. Oh, how I pray that you can find the courage to do it. What a blessing it is to face something with fear and do it anyway!

Raising up the next generation

Growing up, I had a strong bond with my grandmother. We still do. She has been like a second mom to me. We share a love of talking, crocheting and reading. We both have a lot of words, and we love to share them. Recently, I spent a couple of days with my sweet grandma. It was just the two of us. There is no way to describe the feeling of warmth that floods my heart when I think about sitting on the sofa across from her chair. Her wrinkled hands embroidering beautiful roses while I crocheted an afghan.

We spent our time talking about grief, scripture, projects we are working on, the past, the present, the future. We share the pain of losing a child. We share a love of making things. We share a sadness that my grandfather is not here with us. We share a love for Nutty Bars! The truth is, we share a lot!

My grandmother will be 90 at the end of this month. We both know that she has more years behind her than in front of her. We talk about that. It’s hard for me to think about, and yet, we both know the day will come.

Our time together reminded me of two scriptures.

“Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.” (Deuteronomy 11:18-21 NIV)

My grandma has lived these verses. She has had a huge influence on my faith. As a child, she was my Sunday School teacher. One Saturday morning, when I complained of being bored (about the age of 5), she sat me down at the dining room table, opened her Bible, and told me to memorize all 66 books. Not only can I still say them, since that day, I have never even once complained about being bored. She has taught me how to treat others. She has led by example. She has shared with me triumphs and struggles so that I could see God’s goodness and faithfulness. She didn’t just take me to worship, she lived God’s word and taught me to do the same.

I recently heard a minister share from the pulpit, if we only take our children to worship on Sunday and Wednesday, by the time they turn 18, they basically have the equivalent of a 2nd grade secular education. Whoa! Read that again! Second grade education. 2 Corinthians 11:3 tells us that Eve was deceived by satan’s cunning. I don’t know many second graders who are equipped to deal with cunning.

A second grade education would not have given me the foundation I needed to stay faithful to God, to deal with the difficulties of marriage, to raise my children to obey Christ or to continue to trust God even after my son died. My grandma knew that. She knew that life would be full of storms. Which is why she used every opportunity to instill God’s word in my heart. So that when satan attacked, I was equipped to fight back.

The second verse that came to mind comes from Revelation. As a church, we don’t study Revelation much. It is a difficult book to understand. I have chewed on this verse for quite some time. It really has some punch to it!

Revelation 12:11 says, “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”

Did you read that? Not only did they overcome satan, they triumphed over him for two reasons. The first being the blood of Jesus. What a gift! A blessing that we could never earn! The second reason – they shared their testimony.

They overcame because they talked about God just as the Israelites were told to do in Deuteronomy. They reminded one another of both God’s truths and His promises. We have to share with one another. That is how we grow. That is how we overcome satan. They were learning from those around them who were bold enough to say, “Let me tell you about my Jesus. Let me tell you what He has done for me.”

If we don’t teach the next generation about Jesus, there are plenty of people who will lead them away from Him. If we don’t share our testimony, our children won’t have an example to follow. Judges 2:10 says, “After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel.” That is terrifying! If we don’t teach them, they won’t know.

It’s easy to share the good stuff. How long has it been since you shared about God’s faithfulness in the midst of a storm, when He didn’t answer your prayer the way you wanted.

It’s hard.

In the past, when God didn’t answer my prayers my way, I would often wonder what I had done wrong. Was I not faithful enough? Did I not give enough? Did I fail to ask forgiveness for a sin?

See why it’s so important that we share our testimony! It has only been because of faithful Christians that I have been able to quit asking myself these questions and trust God.

Let me tell you what Jesus has done for me. He has promised me an eternity with Him. He has blessed me with friends who encourage me. He has provided what I need. He has always heard my prayers. He has not always said yes to my prayers. In some cases, I am very grateful; in others, I still don’t understand why. What I can say without hesitation is that He has ALWAYS been a good, faithful, loving Father.

Those two days with my grandmother were a recharge for my soul. I left stronger than when I arrived. With knowledge and wisdom that I could not have gained anywhere else. We learn so much from listening to those wrinkled with wisdom.

I thought my relationship with my grandma was the norm. I am learning that not everyone has a grandmother who longs to share her story. I know there is a woman in the church who would love to fill that role for you. Maybe you don’t have a grandma who shares your faith or desire to talk about scripture and answer your endless questions. I know there is a woman in the church who does and will.

It might take some time and some prayer to find her. Oh, sweet friend, I hope you will start looking immediately. I have no doubt that the relationship will be a double blessing – she will bless you and you will bless her. And through all of that, God will be glorified.

Life is hard. God didn’t intend for us to do this alone. While we can’t choose the family that we are born into, we can choose to be a part of God’s family. Within that family, we will find love, strength, wisdom, encouragement, grace, kindness, compassion, and a friend who longs to walk alongside us as we look towards the cross.

Tackling Depression

June is a difficult month for our family. It starts with mine and my husband’s wedding anniversary, a little more than a week later it’s our son’s birthday, a few days after that Father’s Day and then a week later the anniversary of my mom’s death.

Just when we think the end is in sight, the 4th of July hits. My husband and our son’s favorite holiday. And then, our daughter’s birthday. For five years now, we have had to find ways to get through those days without our sweet boy.

So many people on this planet are dealing with difficult circumstances. This morning I was texting with a friend who has a chronic illness. I have no idea what that is like. I can’t imagine that she wakes up joyful wanting to jump out of the bed and skip through the house. She confessed that she was thinking about taking a nap. I told her that I was headed out for a run. Her response, “You’re a better woman than I am.”

I love my friend! She is wrong. I am not a better woman. I think we are both doing what we need to do to tackle our struggles and move forward.

Life isn’t easy and there are many things that can cause our days to be a real struggle. We all deal with depression to some degree. In fact, sometimes I take a little vacation there and allow the sorrow to wash over me. However, I don’t want to build my home there.

To be honest, I did let myself take a little vacation there in June. I hardly ran the entire month. Mostly because my body was too tired from grieving. I simply didn’t have the energy, and I needed to rest. My body needed the rest, just like my friend’s body needed the rest this morning.

Depression is a tricky thing. There are days when we have to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and push our body to the limits. And there are other days that we can rest and allow ourselves to face the sadness head-on. However we handle it, we have to keep our eyes on the cross constantly reminding ourselves of truths from God’s word.

I am grateful for the example that Elijah sets for us in 1 Kings 19. He was running from Jezebel because she was trying to kill him. Verse 3 tells us that he “ran for his life.” He was exhausted when he finally found his way into the desert, sat down under a broom tree, and prayed to die. Based on his words to God in verse 4, “I have had enough, Lord,” I would imagine his exhaustion was more than physical. He was also emotionally and mentally worn out.

So, he took a nap. Sometime later, an angel woke him and gave him some food and then he went to sleep again. A little while later, the angel woke him again and gave him more food. Then he was ready to move forward. There is a great lesson for us in this story.

I had done the resting. This morning, I knew that my body needed to exercise while my friend’s body needed to rest. Neither one of us is doing a better job of tackling depression. We are both doing exactly what we need.

How about you? Do you need to rest today or push yourself a little bit to get over that hump? Whatever the right thing is for you, I pray that you will do it confidently with your eyes on the cross intentionally moving forward.

I need to lay eyes on her

I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With Him at my right hand I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

Years ago my mom had a friend who was in the hospital. She had heard from a mutual friend that their friend’s health was improving, but it wasn’t enough. After church that evening, my mom said, “I need to stop by the hospital and lay eyes on her.”

I have often pondered what my mom said that night. It wasn’t good enough for her to hear about her friend from someone else. She needed to look at her and see for herself. Recently, this expression has begun to take on a different meaning – a more personal meaning.

The truth is, we can be fooled by someone’s words and even by their tone of voice. We have all done it. We haven’t really been feeling up to par, but didn’t want to admit it. So, we put on a fake smile and just enough pep in our voice to pass inspection. My mom knew all of the tricks. She wasn’t easily fooled. However, she knew if she could look at her friend for herself, lay eyes on her, she would know for sure how she was really doing.

My relationship with Christ is very similar. It isn’t enough for me to hear about Jesus from someone else. Not everyone teaches truth. It isn’t enough for me to simply attend church and listen to a minister or a Sunday school teacher talk about scripture. Oh sure, they can tell me how Jesus has blessed them or been faithful, but I can’t truly know Jesus without laying my own eyes on Him.

I need to lay eyes on the cross for myself. I need to see Christ’s suffering with my own eyes in order to truly understand this gift of salvation that I have been given. I need to talk to Him for myself. I need to spend time in the Word so I can hear His voice for myself.

When my eyes are on the cross, my thoughts are focused on eternity and my decisions are grounded in God’s truths. Just like my sweet momma needed to lay eyes on her friend, we must lay eyes on the cross every single day.

Have you laid eyes on the cross today?

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:2

Welcome to my blog

My name is Michelle. I’m a wife, a mom, a daughter, and a teacher.

I have one simple reason for starting a blog – I want to encourage others to pursue Christ with total abandon. And, according to my husband, I have a lot of words. So here we go!