There Will Be Scars

TobyMac said it well, “It doesn’t matter who you are, this world’s gonna leave some battle scars.” None of us are getting off this earth without some scars. Scars come with battle. I am forever changed by the battles that I have fought that have left lifelong scars. 

Since our son’s death, my husband and I have worked with a ministry that provides support and encouragement to grieving parents. We facilitate a support group that meets monthly and we talk about those scars and how they have changed us. One of the parents, a man who has become a dear friend of ours, often says, “I will never be the same man that I was before my son died, and quite honestly, I don’t want to be.”

The battles we fight scar us and leave us changed. I didn’t understand what he meant in the beginning, but I do now. I will never be the same woman that woke up on October 29, 2013. That morning when I woke up, my family was intact. That evening, when I found myself on a helicopter headed towards a pediatric ICU, I knew that life would forever be different. Three days later my son died. There aren’t even words to explain the depth of the devastation and brokenness that caught me by surprise. 

You may already have some scars from some battles that you have fought. You may be in the midst of a battle that is creating scars. God’s word is not silent about the battles we will face.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, James 1:3

This scripture is a hard one to process. Why would God want us to consider it joy when life is hard. Does He enjoy making life hard for us? I am certain that God did not scan Earth’s horizon the morning of October 29, 2013, and ask Himself, “Whose life can I make hard today?” God did not cause my son to die. Was He surprised by it? No. The day that Joshua was conceived, God knew how many days he would walk this Earth. The reality is that we live in a fallen world. Bad things happen. Horrible things happen. Heart-wrenching things happen every single day. Humanity chose the path of sin and destruction. This is the result of that choice. Evil found its way into God’s perfect creation, and until Jesus returns, we will have to face that evil. Every time we face it, we can know that Satan doesn’t have us yet. That part does bring me joy. The fact that my life is so threatening to him that he continues to come at me, that strengthens and encourages me. Each time I face a battle and grow closer to God, that also brings me joy. None of us are getting off this earth unscathed. We can’t ride the fence. We have to choose sides. My husband has some physical scars that he loves to brag about. I do not love to brag about my scars; however, telling people how God has worked in my life does bring me joy. Sharing about His sovereignty and His faithfulness is something that I will continue to do until the day He calls me home.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

The scars have changed me, and the truth is, I don’t want to be the same woman I was before the night that my son collapsed. Do I miss him? Every. Single. Day. I also know that I will see him again. He walked so closely with the Lord and is safely tucked away where Satan can’t get to him. He finished his race and won. He fought the hard battles and came out the victor. He is receiving an eternal reward for a life he lived so well. 

I have followed God all of my life. I love Him more deeply now than ever before. I have trusted God all of my life. I trust Him with every ounce of my being. Regardless of what Satan throws at me in the future, I know that God will walk with me and provide everything that I need to face off against the enemy. Earthly scars are not evidence of battles lost. Our culture would have us believe that if God does not answer our prayers the way that we ask Him to, He doesn’t love us or we aren’t faithful. That is not at all true. God is more concerned about our eternal salvation than our earthly comforts. Just as He did not take my son to punish me, He does not cause wars, natural disasters, or other tragedies. Those things happen because we live in a fallen world that is filled with evil and darkness.

Scars just mean that we are living. Once we become truly passionate for the Lord, Satan is going to attack even harder. He wants what is not his, what he can’t have. Those scars are evidence of how we have fought hard and won. I am eternally grateful for the scars that Christ bore. They guarantee my salvation. It’s one of the reasons that I do not want to live a single day without lifting my eyes to the cross. He bore the ultimate scars so that I could have something I could never earn and definitely do not deserve.