To Whom Shall I Go?

Have you ever come across a scripture that you know you have read a million times, and this time it’s different, it hits you, hard, and you realize that you get it?

The sixth chapter of John starts by telling us about all of the people who were following Jesus because of the miracles that He was performing. They were watching Him as He went about healing the sick. As the crowd is gathering, Jesus shows compassion for their physical needs and feeds them. He fed all five thousand of them with five small loaves of bread and two small fish. Not only did everyone get their fill, there were twelve baskets of leftovers. That very evening, Jesus walks on water.

The next day the crowd follows Him all the way to Capernaum. They want to know how to do the work that God requires. They want a sign, like the manna from Heaven that was given to their forefathers. Jesus tries to explain to them that He is the bread of life. They are so focused on the physical, they completely miss the point. Jesus is offering them something eternal, something so much better than manna. 

Do you know what many of the disciples said, “This statement is very unpleasant; who can listen to it?” (John 6:60) And then, they left. They walked away. They walked away from Jesus the day after He miraculously fed them all because they thought that what He was teaching was too hard. 

Jesus turned to the twelve and asked “You do not want to leave too, do you?” (v. 67). Simon Peter responds, “Lord, to whom shall we go?” 

Can you see the puzzled look on Simon Peter’s face as he turns to Jesus to answer this question? Can you feel the burden in his heart?

I had never understood Peter before. My head got it. Now, my heart feels it, in every tiny crevice. I feel what he is saying. To whom shall I go?

During those long months when I wrestled with God over the death of our son. When I poured out my heart begging to understand why this had to be the plan, it didn’t occur to me to walk away from God. Where would I go? There is no one else who understands the way that God understands. There is no one else who can comfort the way God can comfort. 

I wrestled with God. The very scripture that God gave us to bring us comfort, I spewed back at Him as I told Him that it wasn’t comforting. I showed Him the flaw in His plan. I freely shared with Him all of the things that He could have done differently to change the outcome. My heart was shattered.

Do you know what God did? He listened. He held me in my pain. He brought me comfort in ways that I could have never imagined – through songs, through family and friends, through memories, through others who were walking the same journey. He waited patiently while I grieved. Do you know what He didn’t do? He never walked away from me. He never left me to grieve alone.

If God isn’t going to walk away from me during my darkest times, how could I walk away from Him? I will probably never understand this side of Heaven why Joshua died so young. What I do know is that in all things, in all seasons of life, God is faithful. I know that one day, my time on this earth will also come to an end. On that day, my faith shall be my sight. On that day, I will join my Savior in Heaven and be reunited with my son where we will spend all of eternity together without any tears, without any sorrow. What a glorious day that will be!