Perspective

The night that my life changed forever, so did my perspective. When Joshua didn’t return from his run, I texted him. Almost immediately, it showed up as “read”. I thought he had probably stopped at a neighbor’s house to talk to them, but then he didn’t respond to my text. So, I sent another one. When Joshua didn’t read or respond to that one, Michael and I went to look for him. As we drove his route, I called his phone. First, from my phone, then from Michael’s. Over and over again. I probably called his phone 16 times before we came up on the police. We pulled over to the side and told them that our son had gone out for a run and hadn’t come home. One of the officers told us that a young man had been taken to the hospital. That’s all he said. Then, he handed us Joshua’s phone. I don’t remember anything about that officer. I only remember seeing Joshua’s phone in his hand. 

We were so focused on getting to the hospital that it never occurred to me to ask why he didn’t answer the phone. I had called repeatedly from two different phones as we drove that 2.43 miles from our house to where Joshua was found. 

Later, when I was processing everything, I became angry at that police officer. The one I don’t remember. The one whose name I don’t even know. Why didn’t he just answer the phone and tell us what was going on? I had texted, I had called. He was the one who had read the first text because Joshua was already on his way to the hospital at that point. Why did that police officer wait until we got there? Why didn’t he just answer the phone?

After Joshua passed away, after we celebrated his life, after everyone went back home, and we were learning how to be a family of three, Elizabeth brought Joshua’s phone to me and said, “You aren’t going to believe what I found.” 

She showed me Joshua’s list of contacts. He had my number saved in his phone as “She who gave me life” and Michael’s number saved as “The bald guy.” It’s okay to take a moment to laugh. I’m laughing even as I am writing this. If you knew Joshua, he had quite the sense of humor!

My very next thought was, “that poor police officer.” Can you imagine what it must have been like to stand on the side of the road where an as yet unidentified 16-year-old was found unconscious, and his phone keeps lighting up with the words, “She who gave me life” or “The bald guy.” Over and over again. And, just when it stops ringing, it starts again. I can’t even imagine what he must have been thinking. I could no longer be angry with him. Instead, I felt sadness and compassion for what must have been a struggle for him. New information had given me a new perspective.

The Bible doesn’t specifically address perspective; however, it does address judging others and what it means to love others. 

By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:35

What does loving one another look like?

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,  does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

There is one phrase in this passage that I believe speaks to perspective and two that speak to our reactions. Let’s look at the perspective one first: “love is kind.” Love believes the best about others. In other words, it gives the benefit of the doubt. It believes that people are doing the best they can and making the best decisions that they can for themselves and their families. It believes that maybe I don’t have all of the information and that is why I see the situation differently and think that I would have made a different decision. 

Our reactions speak to our love for others. Love “does not act unbecomingly” and “does not take into account a wrong suffered.” Love doesn’t respond with criticism, harsh words, or judgment. It doesn’t believe that everything that happens around me requires my approval. It chooses to accept that people make decisions we don’t agree with because they have reasons or information that we don’t have or know. 

I wish that I knew that police officer’s name. I wish that I could have a cup of coffee with him and tell him that I am so sorry for what he had to face that night. I wish I could share some stories about Joshua, about the life he lived. I wish that night, I could have eased some of the angst he must have felt as he held that phone the entire time I was calling. I also wish I could tell him thank you for all that he did.

That one event completely changed what I think and how I respond when someone handles a situation differently than I think I would have handled it. Everyday, we make the choice to judge or to show love. The truth is we don’t know everything, nor do we need to know everything to be loving. It’s a choice we make multiple times a day. In a time when people are so quick to lash out with anger and harsh words, I pray that we can be the type of people to show love and kindness even when we don’t understand or don’t agree.