I have struggled and struggled over what to say in this post. A dream that I have had since I was an eight-year-old little girl is becoming reality today, and I am experiencing so many emotions.
I am so excited today to fulfill this lifelong goal, and that has caused me immense guilt. There have been some weak moments during this process where I have allowed some lies to seep into my heart. Yes, my dream is coming true, and it came at a great price. The things I learned, the journey that I had to take came as a result of burying a child. The truth is, satan doesn’t want me to be excited today. He wants me to keep telling myself that I only wrote a book because Joshua died. He wants me to feel guilt. And there have been times when he won those battles. He won’t win the war.
What I can tell you with 100% certainty is that I wouldn’t have made it the last eight years without God. It would have been easy to question God. It would have been easy to become angry with Him and walk away. How could a good and loving God allow such terrible things to happen? The truth is, God put us on this earth and gave us free will. We walked away from Him; He didn’t walk away from us.
Our Heavenly Father, our Creator chases after us with so much love and so many blessings, if only we could open our eyes and our hearts to see it all! We have all had opportunities to walk away, but like Simon Peter said in Luke 6:68 “Lord, to whom shall we go?” No one could comfort or rescue me like God! I pray that God is honored and glorified through our story. I pray that people will read it and run towards God with open arms knowing that only He can rescue them.
This has not been an easy journey, and I don’t want one minute of it to be wasted. My son lived his race so well, and I want others to live theirs well! Losing Joshua was so hard! It still is. God didn’t cause it to happen, and I want to shout from the rooftops what He has done for us, how faithful He has been every single step of this brutal journey. So, yes, I will be excited about reaching this goal and let go of the guilt that is not based in God’s truth!
If you are interested in purchasing A Race Well-Lived, click here.
With Eyes on the Cross 
hi michele. was just reading ur blog. not sure where or when i came across it. i resonated with your message. we are almost 4 years out from losing our 18 year old daughter. every year has gotten a little better for the most part(or maybe we have just gotten better at carrying the burden)???????. i know its different for everybody…..but i was just curious if there was a time u felt like it just got “easier”. again i know everybodys journey is soo different. how is it being 8 years out??? i like to hear from women who are further along in this difficult journey… thanks! kristin lookingforeternity.com
Get Outlook for iOS ________________________________
LikeLike
Hi, Kristin. I think you are exactly right, every year gets a little easier because we carry it a little differently. I don’t anticipate that I will ever be the same person that I was the day before Joshua died, and that is okay. I can’t pinpoint a day or an event where I noticed that it was easier. I can look back and see how over time my grief wasn’t as debilitating as it was in the beginning. I can look back and notice that I started handling group events a little better, or I didn’t cry when I saw things that reminded me of him. It was definitely a process for me. Being 8 years out is odd. That is half the time he walked this earth. We may not talk about him every single day, but we still think about him, and I think we always will. Our kiddos were a huge part of our lives. We had plans and expectations for the future, so it is only natural that as the future arrives we wonder how things might have been. We still love to say his name and talk about our memories! I pray that every day will continue to be easier for you as you miss your girl and anticipate that beautiful reunion!
LikeLike