I treasure the time that I get to spend with other grieving parents. That sounds odd, right? I wouldn’t have chosen this path had there been an option. None of us would have. Yet here we are. So we travel it together. There is just something about spending time with someone who is on the same journey that brings healing and comfort. We can talk about anything. There are things we can talk about when we are together that we can’t talk about with those who have not lost a child. Sadly, one of the most important being our children. Doesn’t make much sense, does it?
Unfortunately, one of the more common discussions among grieving parents is, “What am I supposed to say when my family or my friends think I should be over this by now. They don’t like it when I talk about my child.” This is such a heart wrenching situation to face. We won’t get to see our sweet babies again this side of Heaven. We like to reminisce. We like to share their stories. We love to say their names. We love to hear their names. It’s like a balm that soothes a hurting heart.
I recently heard a profound description of someone who was grieving, “It’s no secret that she is grieving. It’s no secret that her hope is in the Lord.” What a beautiful thing to say! And, what a beautiful, healthy way to grieve.
Grief is hard because it is uncomfortable. It can’t be fixed with words, casseroles, or a few days of rest. It is hard to helplessly stand by and watch someone cry. We don’t like to watch people hurt, especially when there is nothing that we can do to fix the root cause of the pain.
But what if we embraced the grieving without trying to fix them? What if we just sat with them in their sadness? When a grieving parent speaks their child’s name or repeats the same story about their child, they are not trying to make you feel awkward or uncomfortable. Trust me, they are in those situations enough that they don’t try to create them. They are simply trying to be a part of a conversation where they already feel out of place and lonely. What if we just listened?
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. Job 2:13
Job’s friends were a gift to him. It wasn’t a secret that he was grieving, so they came and sat with him in his grief and didn’t say a word. They knew they couldn’t help him, and they didn’t want him to be alone. For seven days, they were the perfect friends. (I don’t want to talk about what happened next because that is not the purpose of this post.)
Not only should our grief not be a secret, we should use it to point others back to God.
1 Thessalonians 4:13 tells us that we do not grieve like those without hope. We grieve. That’s no secret and neither should the hope that we have be kept quiet. We serve a faithful God who will never leave us or forsake us. We need to share who He is even when the waves of grief are unrelenting as they crash down on us.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him. Nahum 1:7
God has been my refuge. He has brought me comfort and healing in so many different ways since Joshua ran ahead to Heaven. He is available anytime day or night no matter where I am. He is always there with me.
“I tell you,” He replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” Luke 19:40
If I don’t praise God, the rocks will. I don’t want it to be a secret how He has carried me through this. I want everyone to know that He fulfills His promises. He has never failed me, even during my darkest days when I have questioned Him.
Our son walked this earth for 16 very short years. He made a mark. I will grieve his absence even while I cling to God’s promise of our eternity together. I will talk about him a lot! I don’t want it to be a secret that I miss him, nor do I want it to be a secret that my hope is in the Lord.
With Eyes on the Cross 