There are so many scriptures about prayer that I cling to. One of my favorites has always been Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.”
I have spent my life delighting myself in the Lord. He didn’t give me the desire of my heart when I asked Him to heal Joshua. How do I reconcile that?
The truth is, I don’t understand why God didn’t heal Joshua. I don’t know why He chose to allow Joshua to leave this earth. I will probably never understand this side of Heaven. I have asked why so many times, God should be tired of me by now. I’m grateful that He isn’t. Even if God chose to tell me why, would the answer really satisfy me. Probably not. I can’t think of one single reason why Joshua should have died at age 16. Knowing the why wouldn’t change anything except make me want to argue with God about how many other ways He could have achieved the same goal without taking Joshua.
If I truly delight myself in the Lord, I will want the same thing that He wants for my life. As a result, I will trust His answer.
Since my son’s death, my prayers have changed. I still lay my heart before God and tell Him exactly what I want and why. I am honest. I hold nothing back. Then, I ask that His will be done. Not because I understand why, but because I trust that God knows more than I do and that His ways are higher than mine. I trust that while my vision is often short-term and earthly based, His is long term and eternity based. And then I trust His answer.
Does this mean that I have quit asking for much? No way. I continue to ask for things with boldness. In fact, for the last three years, I have been asking God to open a door that He has chosen not to open yet. It has been especially difficult the last few days, and I have been on my knees frequently. I don’t understand. The rejection hurts. It’s hard. It’s frustrating.
I trust Him. While I wait, I lean on Him. I draw closer to Him. I remind myself that He is in control.
Will He open that door? I have no idea. It may never happen. And, I may never know why this side of Heaven. Like our daughter needed time to mature to understand why we told her no, I need time to mature in God’s will before I can understand.
What are you asking for today that you haven’t received yet? Talk to God about it. Open your heart. Ask Him for help trusting no matter whatever answer He gives.
With Eyes on the Cross 