I have been fearful all my life. Growing up I was afraid of everything. I always wanted to be more like my mom. She was afraid of absolutely nothing.
I remember sitting in the gym in middle school during a presentation and having this overwhelming paralyzing fear. I wasn’t in any danger. No one had said anything to me that would cause such fear. Yet there I sat, absolutely terrified. Over the years, there were other instances when similar things happened. To this day, I have no idea what caused them.
Sometimes I wonder if there is a support group for it. “Hi, my name is Michelle, and I live with fear.”
When our son was first diagnosed with a heart defect at about 18 months old, I lived in a constant state of fear. The heart issue was an accidental find. He looked completely healthy on the outside. He had never had a symptom. As he grew, still no symptoms; yet we got regular confirmation from doctors that his heart had not formed correctly.
As they continued to monitor his heart, I continued to fear what might happen. My absolute worst fear did happen. He went out for a run one night and instead of returning home, he ran straight through the Pearly Gates.
My fear did not change the outcome. It did affect my ability to enjoy the present.
For a few months after his death, my mind played the “what if” game. What if we had told him that he couldn’t go for a run. What if we had all gone to the gym together that night as a family.
A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed. Job 14:5 (NIV)
We can play the “what if” game all day long; it doesn’t change anything. It didn’t matter where we were that night or what we were doing, Joshua was moving to Heaven. If he had stayed home, he still would have collapsed. If we had gone to the gym, he still would have collapsed.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16 (NIV)
The reality is, we are either going to die or Christ is going to return and take us home. We do not know when that is going to happen. Living in fear doesn’t change the outcome.
I am learning to live with fear instead of in it. I am still afraid of things, lots of things. I can’t change the future by being afraid of it. I am learning ways to control my fear instead of allowing it to paralyze me or keep me from truly living the life God intended for me to live.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)
Finding this scripture was a life-changer for me. If fear does not come from God, then it must come from satan. I absolutely will not allow him to steal my joy.
If I allow fear to make my decisions that is what I am doing. And, I am going to miss out on some amazing things in life. I continue to be afraid of things, the difference is that now, I choose to not allow it control me.
Don’t give satan that foothold. Tell God about the things that you are afraid of and ask for His help. He will provide you with the right scripture, the right people, the right ideas to help you overcome whatever is causing you fear so that you can serve Him with fearless abandon!
With Eyes on the Cross 