Helping the Hurting

Throughout our grief journey, we have been blessed by so many who have reached out to help. While many of these suggestions may seem small to you, for those who are grieving, any one of these says, “I love you. You are not alone in this journey. Let me share the burden.” 

1.       Pray for them – every single day.

2.       Send a card – or even more than one. One gentleman from church sent us cards for months. Include a story about their loved one. It will be treasured forever. I kept all the cards that were sent to us and still read them.

3.       Take a meal over or send a gift card to a restaurant – it is so difficult to find the energy to plan and prepare a meal. This lifts a burden. We also had a couple of families who invited us into their homes to eat and share stories about Joshua.

4.       Text – never underestimate the power of a text letting a family know you are praying for them. Write out the scripture, not just the reference, and let them know specifically what you are praying for when you text.

5.       When you go to the store, call the family. Let them know you are going to the store and would love to pick up some things for them. Ask if they need milk, bread or toilet paper.

6.       Handle an outside chore. Pull weeds in the flower bed. Someone mowed our yard. Another friend put up Christmas lights on the exterior of our home.

7.       Drop off a care package – it does not have to be much. Maybe some snacks, a magazine or some tissues (travel size too!) Some precious little girls in the neighborhood made us cookies one day and dropped them off with the sweetest note. They did not even know that it was nearing the one-year anniversary of our son’s death but just the fact that they remembered him touched our hearts deeply.

8.       Offer to help when it is time to go through their loved one’s things. The day I decided to start cleaning out Joshua’s room was so incredibly difficult. A friend asked if she could come over and just sit in the room with me. She said she would love to hear all of the stories that I would think of as I went through his things. 

9.       Take a friend or two and go help around the house. Cleaning the bathrooms, mopping the floors and dusting are chores on a regular day. When grieving, those things almost become insurmountable tasks.

10.   Invite your friend to go out to lunch or grab coffee. Talking with just one or two people is so much easier than socializing in small groups.

11.   If your friend has small children, offer to take them for an afternoon to give her some time to grieve alone and uninterrupted.

12.   If the death is that of a child, do not forget the siblings. They are hurting deeply and may not know how to handle the grief. Our daughter was blessed by those who remembered her.

13. Continue to invite people who are grieving to events. When they decline, be understanding. People who are grieving feel sad and burdened. They don’t want to dampen anyone else’s spirits. One day, they will be ready to accept those invitations again.

14.   In conversations with someone who is grieving, say their loved one’s name. Still today, when someone says Joshua’s name, it is like a balm that soothes my soul.

15. You can never go wrong with a hug and the words, “we love you and are praying for you.” That is probably the greatest gift our family received. The fervent prayers of many brothers and sisters as they lifted our family to the throne of the One who offers a peace that passes understanding.

Finally, and most importantly, thank you! Thank you for your willingness to minister to those who are hurting so deeply. I pray that God will bless you with wisdom and understanding as you serve Him.